Fear

Oh memories....

You groaned and sat up in bed. Thor was on his way through the room to open the door, on which someone had knocked. A shaky voice confirmed your suspicions; it was Saga with another letter from Jele.

"I don't want to know, write back to him and tell him to let me be," you muttered and Thor walked into the bathroom. You rubbed your eyes and looked around you with a sigh.

You had really let yourself down in the latest month; you'd been weighed down by grief over the loss of Loki and gained far too much weight which only added to your depression. Being with Thor helped temporarily but as soon as you were done you felt guilty for betraying Loki. Somewhere deep inside you were sure Loki wasn't alright, that he hadn't left you for Aliyah. Why would he let them kidnap and beat him halfway to death instead of just leaving, if that was the case?

Thor kept saying Loki was always a suspicious man and that he surely had left you, but you didn't believe him. You needed Loki.

You were worried over your mental health, though. You had tried to kill yourself several times (the last time Thor had to save you from drowning yourself was yesterday) and you'd started eating more which made you fat. You threw up every now and then and your body was acting strangely, nothing like you were used to. You just assumed all this was because of the depression, because what else could it be?

A short knock on the door made you flinch.

"Get out!" you called. At first there was a silence, then the door opened and lady Eir stepped in. You swallowed and stood, blurting out excuses, but she waved them away.

"Dress yourself, we're going out," said the healer and you frowned.

"I don't want to go out."

"You just told me to get out, so we're going out."

"You are, I'm staying here."

At this, Eir stepped up to you and grabbed your arm.

"You are coming with me," she said slowly, and the anger in her eyes made your knees shake. You swallowed, nodded and dressed yourself in mere seconds. Eir surveyed you, brushed some dirt off your cheek and nodded before turning and walking out. You stumbled after her while calling to Thor that you would be right back, but judging by the small shake the healer's head did you wouldn't.

(I really feel like this sentence is wrong but damn I want it)

You followed Eir through the castle until you were standing in the garden. This was the first time you were outside in weeks and the fresh air was painful in your lungs. You wanted to go back to bed and cry.

"You're depressed."

The words came so suddenly you flinched. Turning your head to stare at the healer, you nodded slowly. She smiled faintly.

"You need to get out of it. You have people to take care of."

"Who?" you asked, actually smirking since you knew nobody would care for your love.

"Yourself, to begin with. Does sleeping with Thor help you?"

"Yes," you answered, a little too quickly. Eir raised an eyebrow.

"Be honest with me."

You bit your lip.

"No, it doesn't. I miss Loki."

"Do you know of his whereabouts?"

Something in the old woman's voice gave you reason to believe that she actually knew where Loki was. Frowning, you tried to think of a way to prove it, but you failed. Eir hummed to urge you into answering.