Only Last Chance

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Dae: “We……. *sigh* we will go far away from here. Where we came from. Not to Busan, but somewhere……….. Where we can never get in touch………. EVER AGAIN….”

Me: “…………. Hahaha.. stop joking! What are you saying?! You’re joking……. Right?! You are!! DAE! JAE! ZELO!! Right?! You’re kidding…….. right?!”

Dae: “I…………… can’t do this……..” Dae looks so down………… He slowly went out the same door that he used to come in……… but now, he had left a different mark on every step that he takes………. A different feeling…………. A feeling of……………… DESPAIR.

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‘Leaving’, it is such a simple and short word yet it left a very big impact on me…… He’s gonna leave me…. No….. THEY are leaving me. The people who promised me that they will forever be by my side to protect me…. Are the ones who are……………………….. hurting me.

Silence, sadness, disappointment…………..  filled the room. It’s as if those things came in but has no plan on leaving. Leaving, those feelings will never leave me…….. being separated from them……. ONCE AGAIN.

“Hwa-Young, we’re so sorry.” Jae spoke, but in an awkward tone.

“………………” After hearing what Dae had to say, I was left speechless.

“Noona” Zelo sat beside me, trying to comfort me. But no matter what they do, I don’t even think I can ever recover from this experience. We’ve met when we were still kids, we parted each other without even saying a proper goodbye, thus leaving all of us hurt and regretful for not letting each other know what we felt. Then we met again, now we are young-adults…… we grew closer to each other, promising each other, but….. we will be…….

“Why?” Questions filled my head.

“??”

“Why is this happening to me? What- what did I do to make myself suffer like this?” Tears could not stop flowing. “why?! *sobs*”

“Hey, listen to me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You are such a good person, Hwa-Young. A very good person…. It’s just that things……. Really has to go this way. This is the right think to do. Sorry.” Jae tried to convince me, but I just can’t. I hate myself. I hate my life! Why do I even exist if all that’d happen to me are miserable things?! WHY?!

Me: “Heh. Yeah….. This is the right thing to do, right? So after this….. things would just fall back to where it belongs and we’d……. eventually forget about each other. Right? Like I never met you. You never met me. That’s all I have to do. Forget………. I guess it’s as easy as that.”

Zelo: “No, noona! It’s not like we have to forget about each other completely. We can still keep in touch and someday maybe we…..we…”

Me: “It’s alright. Go now. Staying would just make things harder for me. You know, to forget you…… Umm…. So yeah. I guess…. This is a goodbye. Hahaha *smile” For the last moment….. the last moment that they’d see me………. I have to smile. I have to. I don’t want them to remember my sad, crying, ugly face, but I want them to remember me as me who is always smiling…. Even if I have to lie to myself about my own happiness….

Jae: “Hwa-Young, don’t do this.”

Me: “No, seriously ^^ Go now. Bye. Don’t make me suffer anymore, kay? Bye.”

“If that’s the way you want things to be…. Good-bye then, Hwa-Young.” *slam* They walked out the door………. And now I am alone.

“Alone *sobs* Waaaaaaah aha waaaaah!” As soon as they got out, I cried and cried. Why?! Why am I crying? I have to forget them…. So maybe I’ll cry for now, even just for a day….. And when I’m done pouring all of my tears out, maybe I could finally smile again, cheerfully, and start all over again. Right! I will not stop myself from crying…. But I wish this would soon be over…

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