and then you left // cth

chapter 22: absentmindedly

alexis
I stare absentmindedly at the screen of my laptop, as I rewatch a random movie, the sound set to mute. The thoughts in my head are loud enough, tonight.

It's been hours since Luke left. Though I was tempted to kick him out after I broke down, that would raise even more questions than he must've already had. And so I let him stay. We'd sat on the floor, together but yet alone, with several feet of space between us. The room was silent except for his soft breathing, and my heavy heart.

I'd breathed a sigh of relieved when he'd left, and I was finally left alone with my thoughts. The events of the day flooded my mind, along with flashbacks from my past life. It seemed I was never going to be able to escape this nightmare. My mind filled with horrible thoughts as I came to this realization, and I sucked a sharp breath in, to remind myself that I was still alive.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear the doorbell ring. But I am so deep in my head that the sound doesn't register properly until it rings for a second, and then a third time.

As I look at the clock, I see that it is nearly 3am. Perhaps Luke is on the porch, seeking more answers. He needs to learn to leave me alone, and that I am only causing toxicity in his life. He doesn't need me around.

The bell rings a fourth time, and only then do I come to the conclusion that I might need to answer the door. The echoing sound might wake Gram, which would rise questions about my ability to select a reasonable bedtime. I do not need that kind of lecture right now, nor do I ever.

I groan and pause my laptop, though I don't even recall the name of the program it is playing. I toss the heated blanket off of me and attempting to open my bedroom door without it creaking: an impossible task.

The sound reminds me of the times when I'd sneak out at this time to go see Calum, and that jolt of reality is enough to make me want to sneak out if this window and never return.

I taken silent steps down the stairs, being as quiet as possible despite Gram's bear deafness. I don't want to take any chances.

By the time I reach the front door, I have to catch my breath before opening it. I take a few deep breaths before opening the door.

And there, standing with his back to the door, on my porch is Calum.

How he found my house, I have no clue. Even though he's turned away from me, I know it's him. There is not a doubt in my mind that it is him. The black skinny jeans, red tee and black vans are a dead giveaway, not to mention his presence as a whole. His posture is the same as it always was and he stands with his tall frame slightly slouched. His black car is parked in front of my house, the lights on. He always left the keys in the ignition, despite my nagging him to break the habit.

"C-Calum?" I stutter, my mind going blank. I want to ask why he's here, but that's a stupid question.

He spins around at the sound of his name, and I refuse to look at his face at first. But a small part of me wants nothing more than to stare at him, and crash into one of his bear hugs that I've spent so many nights embraced in.

I'd fall asleep with his arms around me, and wake the same way. Even after he left, I'd often wake up in the morning to find my arms wrapped around a pillow, as if they had to hold something, even if it wasn't Calum.

"Lex-" He breathes, and I realize then that I haven't heard him speak since the night he tore everything apart.

calum
I want to hug her. I want nothing more than to hold her and tell her I'm so sorry and that I love her. But instead, I read her eyes, which silently explain all of her emotions. She is clearly shocked, and confused. But above all, she looks unsure. And maybe, just maybe, a little bit scared.