the winner of the contest is...
smolbeanmuke !
congratulations! i just sent you a pm <3
thank you so much to all of the people who entered, i'll try to do another one of these before the end of the book!
•••
alexis
"This is stupid," I mumble to myself as I pace in front of my window, debating whether or not to sneak out and go talk to Luke. This has been a constant battle in my mind today, one that I am all too sick of enduring.
It's been three days since Luke kissed me. He's texted a few times, but I've assumed he has sent these only to ensure that I am still alive. I haven't responded.
Many different thoughts cloud my already foggy mind, each one contradicting the next. For one, I don't like Luke like that. He's been a good friend to me. And even if I did, there is no way that I am ready to date again; I don't know if I ever will be. Now that I am past the initial first stage of heartbreak, I am beginning to notice the ripples in my life that Calum's actions have created. How will I ever trust somebody again? And with him being here, and all of this shit being dug up, the last thing I need is this.
And even if all of this weren't in the picture, nothing would matter anyway: I am leaving in a month and a half.
The realization hits me that in only a month, this place has become more of a home than Seattle has ever felt to me. Perhaps it's that I've never gone to school here, and so this life is just a fantasy version of what it would truly be like to grow up here or just the change of a backdrop, but LA has really grown on me. The orange splashed sunsets aren't a bad thing by any means and the way the skyline of the city looks at midnight fills me with content.
I thought I'd hate it here.
I thought I would hate the stigma and the smog and the people, the traffic and the blaring music. But I don't, not even close. Then again, I don't think that this has anything to do with the city itself. Perhaps it is the people that you surround yourself with.
After this short amount of time here, I can't even imagine going back home. Too many memories were made there, and an overwhelming percentage of them were bad. I cannot think of home without remembering the pain that I endured there.
But even so, no matter how much hell I went through, the good memories will still haunt me and back home I am constantly reminded of the person I used to be. And the person I was constantly with.
It hurt to drive by the diner downtown that Calum and I would get strawberry milkshakes from at three in the morning. It hurt to see the coffee shop by school, where Calum and I always bought cold brews after class. We'd spend a couple hours in there, procrastinating our homework and getting free refills. Or we'd take the drinks to-go and get lost in our heads somewhere, like the city or the beach.
Even just driving around town, I was reminded of him. I would miss a certain boy who would sit in the passenger seat, making sarcastic comments and critiquing my driving as I tried my best to stay between the paved lines of the lane. He always told me I had trouble staying between the lines, but it wasn't until a long time after he left that I would understand what this meant to the fullest extent.
Being home hurt mostly because all of my good memories involved Calum. There was not a time that I was happy when I was not in his presence. He was constantly overtaking all of my thoughts, all of my being.
YOU ARE READING
and then you left // cth
Fanfiction"you left me, cal. after everything you'd said, after every promise, you left me without even saying goodbye," my words knock the wind out of him. he doesn't know what to say, what to do. but even so, he stares into my eyes, reminding me of everythi...
