and then you left // cth

chapter 34: lost time

alexis

I feel Calum's embrace holding me tightly as he rocks me back and forth, my head leaning on his chest. He holds me so close to him that I can hear his heart beating in this chest, and I am reminded that this is in fact reality. It hits me now that I feel safe in Calum's embrace, a feeling I haven't felt in so long. I nearly forgot it existed.

It has been so long since I've felt Calum's embrace, I nearly forgot what it felt like to be wanted in this world. This entire time, this is all that I wanted- this moment right here. I've spent so long wondering if I'll ever see him again, if he would ever show his face once more. I've questioned everything I'd ever said or done to him, wondering if it played a part in Calum leaving. This whole time, all I wanted was to be held by Calum, to know where he is. To know that he is safe, and happy.

Seems like the latter isn't true, though.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I'm so sorry." He says in my ear with all of the honestly in the world. Emotion floods my body. He pulls me even tighter, and I can barely breathe but it seems that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does. "I'm so sorry for everything," he whispers, and I feel electricity feel my entire body.

The dimmed lights flicker above us, and the shower drips slowly onto the white tile floor. The bathroom is huge, and a reminder of all that Luke has that I don't.

Luke is waiting outside the door, and this I know even though he stopped banging on it about five minutes ago. His presence is overwhelming and I feel like we're being watched, even though he can't see us through the privacy of the door.

Calum pulls away from for a moment, just a moment, to look at me. He gently touches my cheek, as if he's checking to make sure I'm real. He slowly runs his thumb from my cheek to my bottom lip, and my entire body electrifies.

"We have to get out of here," Calum breaks the silence and whispers gently after a while. My eyes open slowly and I turn my head to look at him. He is staring at me with a soft intensity and love in his eyes, and suddenly I remember all of the times that he told me he loved me. His lips are so close to mine that I can feel his soft breath coming from his parted lips.

Though I'm so caught up in the moment, a warning pops up in the back of my mind. His words formed a statement, not a question. He was telling me we had to leave, rather than asking me if I wanted to.

I read his eyes because they say more than he could ever gather up the courage to say to me. He is sorry, he is sad and his heartbroken.

This has gone on for too long already.

And in that moment, and despite the circumstances screaming at me that I am wrong, I believe that everything is going to be okay.

Luke is still pounding at the door, yelling our names in drastically different tones. I lock eyes with Calum as he interlaced our fingers as he reaches for the doorknob, and in that moment it felt almost like nothing had ever changed

Hand in hand, we leave the bathroom. We walk with one foot in front of the older, side my side. We don't hear Luke yelling at us and I don't see Ashton on the couch by the door, staring at Calum. All I see is Calum, who is staring straight ahead with such an intensity that I wonder what is going on inside his head. I try not to notice as Luke follows us out the door, screaming the whole way.

I do not see Luke kick the front door out of anger when he sees me getting into Calum's car.

My head feels cloudy, and I wonder if I'm making the right decision.

...

This is a bad idea. I realize this as I am staring out the window of Calum's car, watching the city zoom past us in a rush as Calum speeds down the highway. Everyone has places to go, and people to see, and with each person that cuts us off, my heart beats a little bit faster in my chest. But despite the high speed on the speedometer of the car, I know that it is the driver who is causing my anxiety, and not the speed he is driving at.