into the light - destiel

chapter 3 dream one

sam, cas, and Charlie all awoke on a dingy motel room floor.
rubbing his eyes, sam sat up and looked around.

'guys, this looks like a memory from our childhood...'
'sam...look.'

sam looked over to where cas was pointing and saw himself, probably around age 4, asleep on one of the motels beds. across the room from him, sat awake on the other bed, was dean.

suddenly, dean seemed to look straight at them, fear etched onto his face.

'he can't see us sam, deans not trapped in this one. this is just a memory he's relived recently.'
'Sam, cas...someone's outside.'

sam looked from Charlie to cas, then quickly looked at the motel room door as it began to open. in stumbled John Winchester, clearly drunk and raving like a lunatic.
he walked over to the small table and grabbed a bottle of whisky that was stood there, before pouring himself a drink.

'did you feed Sammy?'
'I tried, dad, I promise!'
'what do you mean you tried?'
'he wouldn't eat anything, he said he didn't like it...I accidentally burnt the food dad but it wasn't that bad and I said he could have mine but he didn't want it, he wanted cereal, and we didn't have any and I couldn't leave him here to go to the shop, and I didn't have any money-'
'SHUT UP! I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF SAMMY DOESN'T WANT HIS DAMN FOOD, YOU MAKE SURE HE GETS FED!'
'dad I tried but he wouldn't eat any!'
'I don't care dean. look, you've woken him up now! sam, go back to sleep now, THAT IS AN ORDER!'

sam, cas and Charlie watched as a four year old sam whimpered and shoved his head under the pillows, shutting out the noise.

they watched as John Winchester made dean sit completely rigid on his bed until Sam's breathing had levelled out.

they watched as John drank another glass of whisky, before standing up, grabbing eight year old dean by the neck, and dragging him outside.

they watched as dean pleaded with his father, as his dad dragged him out towards the car park and the forest behind the motel, where the impala was parked.

'daddy, please, don't-'
'don't call me daddy.'
'y..yes sir.'
'stand there. don't move. if you move, I'll kill you.'

sam, cas and Charlie watched in horror as John Winchester drunkenly dug a hole in the floor with a shovel he had grabbed from the impala. he worked fast and precisely, the whole thing only taking about 30 minutes. all this time, dean was stood sobbing uncontrollably, his small face scrunched up in complete fear.

'get in.'
'no...no!'
'you do as I say. get in, and that is an order. GET IN!'
'no dad, stop it, stop!'

dean desperately tried to claw his father away as he grabbed him.
John swung the eldest Winchester over his shoulder, then slammed him into a tree knocking the air from him.
gasping for breath, dean tried to plead with his father but it was no use. John began to punch the small boy, until dean bowed his head in shame and admitted defeat.

'now get in the damn hole and dig yourself out. I don't know what's going to happen to you in the future. this is training. dig yourself out dean. if your not out in thirty minutes I'll come and get you out, and I won't be happy.'
'yes sir.'

sam, cas and Charlie watched in horror as child-dean crawled into the 3ft deep hole, and lay completely flat.
Charlie could barely hold back her sobs as John began shovelling dirt onto dean, the child's face scrunched up and his eyes squeezed shut.

sam stood silently, his whole body shaking with anger. his fists were clenched so tight they had gone completely white and his mouth was set in a grim line. his eyes were bright with tears as he watched his father bury his brother alive.

'I didn't know Dad did this to him...if he was alive, I swear I'd kill him. he belongs in hell...fucking asshole. I'm done seeing this...can we get out of here?'
'we have to wait until the memory or dream is over I'm afraid sam...we can't even soothe him. I myself did not realise that anything like this ever happened.'

'guys, we have to find dean...he's stuck, reliving things like this...no wonder he's so messed up.'
'what do you mean messed up? deans only been depressed recently.'
'sam, your such an idiot. Didn't you ever wonder why dean had such an obsession with wearing tons of bracelets? didn't you wonder why he always refused to take his shirt off...sam, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.'
'tell me what? Charlie what do you mean?'
'Sam, dean...dean self harms. self harmed? I don't know if he stopped...I walked in on him after he had a shower one day...after he did it. he made me promise not to tell you, or you cas...he kind of blackmailed me.'
'he blackmailed you. into not telling me. about...Charlie no...dean wouldn't...'

'sam I must be perfectly honest I myself had my suspicions...dean was always very insistent on patching himself up after hunts. I did begin to think that maybe he had something to hide.'

cas looked at sam intently as he spoke, his gaze fixated on the emotion showing through Sam's face.

Charlie broke the silence by tugging on Sam's arm, her face covered in tear tracks and her short red was hair wild where she had been running her hands through it.

'Sam I'm sorry...I should've told you...'
'it doesn't matter. we can help dean once we find him and save him. none of that matters until deans awake.'

with those words, the dream/memory drastically flipped to a majorly different surrounding.