into the light - destiel

chapter ten

~Charlie's POV~

do the Winchesters not know what Oreos are? or Nutella? or hot pockets? or-

'Charlie?'

spinning round, Charlie teetered on the countertop, her arms splayed out as she tumbled off the surface.
cas was underneath her in a flash, his arms wrapped around her.

'are you okay Charlie? why are you climbing the kitchen furnishings?'

pulling her red hair from her mouth, she gasped for breath before bursting out laughing.

'oh cas. thank god you caught me! I was looking for food. nice food, not rabbit food.'
'I see. Charlie may I talk to you, privately?'
'what's wrong? is it Dean?! he hasn't...has he?'
'uh, yes. I healed him though. and I atomised the razor blade he used. but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.'
'I'll be right back cas. give me two minutes. wait here.'

God dammit Dean.
you stupid, selfless, brave, idiot.
why do you think you deserve so much fucking pain?
why do you blame yourself for so much?

Charlie raced along the corridor in the bunker, and practically knocked deans bedroom door off its hinges.

'dean? Dean? talk to me.'
'what did cas say?'
'he said enough. Dean you have to stop.'
'I know.'

crossing the room to deans bed, Charlie pulled the covers off the grown man, plonked herself down in the bed and pulled the covers straight back up.

'okay. okay, I'm talking to you right now. I'm talking, you're listening. you understand deano?'
'yes.'

Charlie grabbed Dean and enveloped him in a hug, and tucked his head under her chin. she began softy stroking his hair, and as she felt him relax, she began to talk.

'okay. Dean Winchester, I wonder about you. I wonder why you blame yourself for all the worlds evil. I wonder why you blame yourself for your families suffering. I wonder why you do this to yourself, because Dean Winchester, you have not caused this pain and suffering. the world would not have any less evil should you cease to exist. the world would not have any less pain if you weren't a hunter. you did not choose this life, but you have done the best you can. you have saved the world for fucks sake! you don't need to remember your mistakes. every day, you and sam risk your lives, for complete strangers. you've both gone through so damn much, and you don't even realise how strong you really are. no. shh, I'm not finished. Dean, I could not be more thankful for the things you've done for me. you and sam have saved my life, you've given me a home. you risked everything for me. without you guys, I'd probably be dead. and yes, I understand the risks of this life, but every single aspect of existence has risks. I could live this life, make something of myself, and die a hero, or I could get hit by a bus and die a nobody. and dean, if one day I do die, I want you to know that it is not your fault. none of it is. Dean, if I were given five minutes to live, my last wish would be for you, sam and cas, to realise how much good you give the world. you guys are my family, and I love you. Dean, sam loves you. cas loves you.'

Charlie looked downwards at Dean, and inhaled sharply as she saw the tear tracks on his face.
she tightened her arms around deans body and squeezed him tightly.

'dean, you're my brother. it might not be by blood, but it still counts. I want you to be as happy as you can be in this life. I want you to be okay.'

Charlie peeled herself from Dean, and crawled out of the bed. Dean sat up and looked her straight in the eye, not afraid to hide his tears anymore.

why don't you ever understand Dean.
why can't I make you understand?

'one last thing dean.'
'yes Charlie?'
'I haven't forgotten than conversation we had last year Dean, when you were drunk. I think, you need to be honest Dean. with everyone, yourself, sam, and cas.'
'you think?'
'I do. I know for a fact cas will be happy. you know I understand, I made that clear last year. sam will be okay with it, I promise you. It'll just be a bit weird for him at first. talk to them. please.'
'okay Charlie. just give me a bit more time. I need to think about some stuff. thankyou though. for everything.'
'okay Dean. it's okay.'