Bruises

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I stood in front of Andrew in his coffin. He looked so peaceful. Tears came out, but I didn't feel like it was my fault anymore.
I decided to go to church on Sunday with dad. It was a great sermon. We decided o go to a really good church. It's up in Ellettsville, and it's spectacular. Even though it's a biker church, all those people are so happy and cheerful. Afterwards, we went up to the altar to get prayed over. I wanted someone to pray with me over Andrew. I did and it felt awesome!
I just stood staring at Andrew. The only thing that popped up in my head was Andrew playing around up in heaven. Playing with Jesus. I know that's what he's doing up there. I just wish he would've gotten older. I wish he at least got up to his teenage years, but I can't change what happened. I can't change god's plan for us.
As I was looking at him, someone walked up behind me and held my hand. I looked over, and it was Kasey.
"Hey," I suddenly said, looking back to Andrew.
"It wasn't your fault you know," Kasey added.
I smiled.
"I know," I replied.
I turned around and kissed her on her lips.
I broke the kiss and looked her in the eyes.
"I learned that I need to get on with life. I learned that everything's going to be alright," I assured, holding her hands.
I saw Kasey smile. That made me have to smile, too, again.
"You are an awesome person, you know that," Kasey said.
"Come on, let's sit down," I said.
We walked to a seat in the front row. My dad sat down next to me.
"Hi Kasey," he said, looking at her.
"Hi Jerry!"
There was a lot of people that came. People that we know from church now, and friends. We called our church pastor and asked to have the funeral in the sanctuary. So, that's where we're having the funeral.
Here, at the church, they call it celebration of life. I love that better than funeral.
At the beginning of the celebration of life, they played Andrew's favorite song. We know it's his favorite song because whenever my dad was in jail, we would always play that in the car because Andrew loved it.
Andrew's favorite song is a Christian song. It's called, "I Can Only Imagine."
Playing it, it made me bawl. It made me think of the good times in life. You know, the times when my dad was called Uncle Jerry.
I think I cried the most. I imagine I did because I knew Andrew since he was born.
I looked over to see Andrew's face in the coffin. His pale, peaceful face. I looked at him with tears coming down my face, but all I could think of was him in heaven. That made me calm down and smile.
***
I wanted to go up and say some words. I was the first one to go up.
I stood at the podium and looked up to everyone sitting in the seats.
"Hello everyone."
That was the first thing I wanted to say.
"Hi," everyone replied.
"As you all know, I am Andrew's brother. I have been there for him through everything. Thick and thin. My dad, well, the one that died, kidnapped us. He took us to an abandoned cabin in the middle of the woods. I'm not sure where, but..."
Tears started to come out again.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I should talk about the sad moments. You know what, I'm going to talk about the happy moments."
I looked up and smiled.
"I remember last year when my dad was in jail. My uncle got us tickets to watch a football game. We all sat towards the front. Whenever our favorite team scored a touchdown, we all laughed and shouted. This was a special moment for us because our dad abused is for as long as we can remember. This was a moment we felt happy and cheerful," I assured, still looking at people in the church.
I fell silent for a minute. Took a deep breath.
"Last week, I tried to commit suicide. I thought of him in heaven and I knew that I will see him again someday. I wanted to kill myself because I thought if I did, I would see him and hug him again. But, I learned that committing suicide doesn't solve anything. I prayed that night, to get on with my life. I am so glad I have an awesome church to go to, and I love all of you. That's all I have for you."
I walked off the stage. Everyone clapped their hands.