ACQUAINTANCE (Book #3 - EMAILS TO DAN)

19 October 2022

Here I was holding my best friend as he cried. When he cries about me, I can't help but feel like an asshole. So I felt like an asshole.

And I was crying.

I held Phil for a few minutes. It was nothing new to me, but it's been years since I've done it. He hugs the same, he smells the same, everything about him was the same, besides him being my friend.

I let go of Phil a bit, but he gives me a small squeeze before letting go. It was his thing when he hugged someone and I missed that.

No one has any idea how much I missed that.

He sniffled while wiping away his tears and looked at me with a slight smile. I smiled back, but it soon faded away.

"Phil," I started as I wiped away my tears, "what am I to you?" I already knew the answer, but I was curious. Through these years, he hated me - which I never blamed him for. I hated the fact he ignored me as I did to him, but I never blamed him for it.

"An acquaintance," he said, which I hated.

"What's that?" I asked, though I knew what it was already.

"Not a close friend."

"That's not what I want to be."

"You're a stranger, Dan."

"I know I probably am. And I'm sorry I've hurt you. But I want to earn the title best friend again." He pressing his lips together, not really sure what to say.

"I appreciate it, Dan, I do. But what if we go our separate ways again? Then what? Act like us being friends again wasn't a thing? Just throw me away and act like I meant nothing?"

"No, of course not!" I replied. "I never took our friendship for granted, and I don't plan on it in the future. Even if we ever went out separate ways again - which I doubt."

Phil sighed like he was debating on it. I understood why. All the shit I put him through. All those years I never was there, I understood. I'm not oblivious to it.

"You're such an asshole," he muttered.

"I know I am. I'll be that asshole best friend you once had." He chuckled which made me smile. "But I'll try to take asshole out of the title."

Nodding, he smiled back. "Alright," he said. "You win. But that doesn't mean I forgive you. You're earning all that shit back yourself."

"I'll try my hardest to, no matter how long it takes."

"Yeah, whatever," he shrugged off with a smile.

"I should get going," I stood up. "It's kinda getting late."

"It's almost five. You don't even go to bed 'till two a.m.."

"I'm a changed man, Phil."

"Shut up, you still wear black."

"Some things change!" I threw my hands up. Phil rolled his eyes and led me towards the door. Opening it, I walked out and stopped at the door way.

"Phil?" I caught his attention.

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go for coffee tomorrow?" I asked. "To catch up on things," I added.

He nodded. "Yeah, um-"

"Wait," I took my phone out of my pocket and gave it to him. "Here." He put in his number as I waited for him to give it back. "Did you block my number?"

"I couldn't have if I didn't know it," he muttered, still looking down at my phone.

"Oh," I remembered. "Right." Phil handed back my phone and I slipped it into my pocket. "Thanks." He nodded, along with an awkward pause. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," he paused. "Dan." I perched my lips together and started to walk away.

"Wait, Dan?"

"Yeah?" I turned back.

"How did you get my address."

"Um," I hesitated on telling him. "PJ." He shook his head and rolled his eyes, making smile. I gave him a small wave and walked to the lift.

Don't fuck up, Dan.

Don't fuck up.

-
I feel like this whole story goes well with Hello by Adele.