Use Me, Royal Stranger (mxm)

Chapter 21 - Moon Miracles

Media: You Lost Me - Christina Aguilera

    The days that passed since Carlen last saw Alaric, were physically and mentally painful for Carlen. His illness took a turn for the worse. He could barely eat, drink or sleep. He would constantly replay the scene of Alaric with the queen, in bed, making love to one another. He didn't even want to find out what illness he had anymore. He only wished that it would kill him quicker. He needed to be put out of his misery.

    Neither Nana's nagging, nor Lance's words of encouragement and company did anything to help. Carlen found no motivation to even listen or hear the words that they had to say. It sounded so repetitive. It grinded on his nerves repeatedly, but he didn't have the heart to tell them to go away.

"Have you been eating?"
"Please eat."
"You shouldn't starve yourself."
"What happened Carlen?"
"I'm here for you Carlen."
"You need to talk to Naomi about your health Carlen."
"I'm concerned for you."
"Have you been sleeping?"

    Carlen was getting sick of the attention that they were giving him. Especially Lance. Everytime he saw Lance, he would be reminded of Alaric. He would get tempted to ask something about Alaric. Was he eating well now that he had everything he wanted: A wife, a child-bearing mate? Did he love his new queen? Or did he love the fact that their passion in bed would be celebrated by all in the kingdom? All but Carlen, of course.

Carlen hated himself. He hated that he had to dislike Lance so much because of Alaric. Lance did nothing wrong. In fact, Lance did everything right. He was the perfect friend. He had stayed by his side whenever he could, he stayed through his tantrums and watched over him through his illness, never complaining. He was perfect. But everything he did, made Carlen wished it were Alaric who was there by his side. He hated feeling so ungrateful.

Perhaps he needed to be alone. Alone was good. Alone meant he would not hurt anyone, or be hurt by anyone, because there was simply no one. His wolf seemed to understand his need to be alone. It was eerily silent in his head, as though he was simply a normal human, with normal thoughts unswayed by an animal driven by instincts. Some time back, Carlen would have reveled in the autonomy. But now, the silence in his mind only allowed Carlen to replay the moments of his mate embracing his wife, over and over again. The love scene etched in his mind was now embellished by his own imagination. His Alaric was now madly and thoroughly in love with his wife, having eyes only to gaze upon her beauty, forgetting all others. They would embrace one another repeatedly until they were too spent to do anything else apart from declaring their undying love for one another in whispers.

Carlen's mind echoed with his bitter inner laughter. Those thoughts were driving him insane. He needed to stop. He wished he could stop. Every time he tried to, he only imagined a scene more romantic and painful than the previous.

    "Are you listening to me Carlen?" Lance asked, his face was etched with concern. He had been trying to get Carlen's attention.

    Staring blankly at Lance, Carlen shrugged. He hadn't heard a word Lance had said, but he would guess that it was something to do with him sleeping or resting. It always was.

    "You're driving yourself to your grave Carlen." Lance whispered harshly, his face red with anger. There was a sense of irritation in his voice, impatience perhaps. Maybe he too, will soon leave him like how Alaric did. Carlen's heart clenched unbearably. He was going to be truly alone.

    Lance sighed gravely, his hands reaching out to hold Carlen's cold ones. "How about we take a walk outside? Get some sun, some fresh air. Carlen, you look-" Lance frowned before deciding against completing his sentence. "Let's take a walk, shall we?"