Use Me, Royal Stranger (mxm)

Chapter 39 - Better Things Are Yet To Come

Media: No More Bad Days - This Wild Life

    It was beautiful. Everything about it. A quiet, solemn sort of beautiful.

The weather was overcast and the smell of rain lingered in the air, threatening to rain. Grey clouds rolled by slowly with a gentle breeze, as though caressing the bodies that felt it. The hall smelt like flowers, freshly picked, specially picked. The scent of burnt incense lingered as it is picked up by the breeze. Skilled musicians played a tender tune to complement the atmosphere. It was heartbreakingly beautiful to anyone who witnessed it.

Carlen stood in the middle of it all, staring at the golden designs inscripted on the bocote wood from a distance, afraid to approach, scared to see Alaric's still form laying in it. His Royal Stranger. His green eyed Royal mate. His former mate. He had been standing at his spot for minutes, unable to take a step closer to the casket. People passed him as they entered the hall, glancing sympathetically at him before making their way to the coffin to pay their respects and say their last goodbyes.

Carlen prayed hard to the Goddess to grant him the strength to move forward. But it did not come easy. He hadn't even managed to inch forward until Lance's voice filled his ears from right beside him.

"Come." Lance whispers in Carlen's ear, startling him slightly since he did not notice him approaching. Lance gingerly reached out to hold Carlen's shaking and cold hands, "You have to see him. You have to send him off properly." He muttered softly, rubbing Carlen's hands in his to warm them up, "Your hands are so cold. Why haven't you worn the robes I got you?"

Carlen shrugged, not sure why either. He had put on his official attendant uniform instead of the robes that Lance had prepared for him. The same uniform that he had worn when he was serving as Lance's attendant. It felt right, for an odd reason. It felt as though wearing it allowed him to stand amongst the other Royals, to say goodbye to the King. Otherwise, in what capacity was he to stand there? He was never acknowledged as Alaric's  mate, and can never be again.

"Come, I'll walk with you." Lance muttered gently, "You're not alone."

Carlen nodded. He knew that he could not avoid this. But it didn't stop him from taking as much time as he could to delay that moment. Lance tugged on his arms, forcing his foot to move and Carlen's knees felt weak as they walked towards the coffin. He wanted to bolt. He did. It felt so daunting to approach something so unthreatening.

They reached the coffin in no time and Carlen tensed as his heart raced when Lance handed him a rose. When he didn't move forward after receiving the rose, Lance gave him a nudge so he would look into the coffin to say his last goodbye to Alaric and place his rose upon Alaric's body.

With shaking hands, Carlen steeled himself for this moment that he had so badly want to run away from. He nodded slightly to encourage himself before taking a deep breath and leaning closer. Goddess, grant me strength.

He held his breath as he gazed upon Alaric's face. He was beautifully embalmed, the best work Carlen had ever seen, and he had seen plenty of funerals working with Healer Naomi. The colors and powders though obvious on his face as they tried to preserve his look to their best efforts, he looked like what Carlen remembered him to be: Strong, determined, handsome. Nothing like the man he looked on his last days. Carlen was relieved to see that. Too relieved.

Carlen let out a choked sob as his fingers ghost over Alaric's cold, clasped ones, "I love you." He whispered very very quietly, hoping no one else heard him. It would be inappropriate for him to say that, but he felt as though he needed to let Alaric know. As though it was his last ditch effort to convince Alaric that everything has been forgiven. Despite his small voice, he knew that Lance heard him when he glanced slightly at Carlen. He did love Alaric, how could he not? Despite everything, Alaric was his fated mate. There was always going to be a part of him that is vulnerable to Alaric. But the love he had for Alaric was far different from what he felt for Lance. He would explain it to Lance when they were alone, he would understand, hopefully.