Use Me, Royal Stranger (mxm)

Chapter 7 - Second Meeting (Part II)

        In the two weeks that passed before their promised meeting, Alaric was sure he had managed to drive himself insane somehow. Almost every waking moment he had to himself, he had spent his time thinking about Carlen and what he wanted from the younger man.

        Perhaps the most crucial problem Alaric was facing was that he felt fairly certain that he had managed to create another personality within himself. A personality that exist to argue with himself about his decision to meet with Carlen again.

        On one hand, his heart and body wanted a second meeting. He had finally met the youth he wanted to meet so many years ago. Alaric wasn't about to let this opportunity slip now that fate had given them a chance to meet. It was apparent from the longing and the lingering thoughts he had about the hazel-eyed youth that he desired to see Carlen again.

        Yet, his mind, his conscience, had been fighting his desires tooth and nail. Most of his concerns stemmed from the amount of danger he was placing Carlen in by being his acquaintance. That, and what would Naomi say when she finds out? She would be furious, thinking he had broken the trust between them. She had clearly instructed and explained to him why he had to stay away from Carlen. He agreed, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to, very much so. But he couldn't bring himself to stay away.

        There were too many good things about Carlen that Alaric could not keep away from. Throughout the days after their first encounter, Alaric was impressed, yet unsurprised, when he confirmed that Carlen had not spoken to Naomi about their encounter nor their promise for a second meeting. As the Crown Prince, Alaric had been seeing Naomi around the inner courts and spoken with her several times but not once had she brought up Carlen in any of their conversations. This only strengthened Alaric's desires to meet with Carlen again. His honest Carlen.

        This was yet another problem for Alaric. For some reason, he had deemed Carlen as his possession somehow. That provoked yet another inner argument with himself.

        His? What was he thinking? Had all the teachings he had received from the royal court really gone to his head? Had he now become one of his siblings or cousins, thinking that he was privileged to call anything and anyone his? But Alaric felt like Carlen belonged to him. It once crossed Alaric's mind to use his status as the crown prince to order Carlen to be his friend in the inner court. That was an impulsive thought that was selfish and surely dangerous for Carlen. He couldn't do that to him, not sweet Carlen.

        Whilst in his daily sessions in the royal court, Alaric found himself debating whether he should reveal his status as crown prince to Carlen, and if so, when was ever a good time to. From what he knows about Carlen, it would not matter to the younger man if he was a crown prince or a pauper, but he didn't want to keep secrets from Carlen. It didn't feel right to start their friendship off the bat with lies.

        For once though, Alaric was elated to be born into the royal family. He was sure that he would have otherwise never had the chance to meet with Carlen if he was born outside the walls of the castle. While it had not spurred him into wanting anything more to do with the decisions of the royal court, Alaric thanked the moon goddess that something good came out of being born into this "royal hell". Finally, something that is not stifling, not scheming and not evil. Carlen felt just like a breath of fresh air, a change of something good that he had somehow managed to find in this hell-like place.

        This change, his Carlen. It evoked something within him that he never thought he could feel.

        Whenever he thought about the younger man, there would always be this feeling, like a rush of emotions. It fills him up from his belly to his throat and spreads through his chest. The feeling is terribly intense, yet Alaric couldn't put in words the kind of emotion he felt. Before Alaric could think deeper into the rush that he felt, he feels as though he had been holding his breath. Breathing in and out consciously doesn't bring him any relief. Pressure builds up in his chest and then sometimes he imagines what Carlen would say to him and what he would sound like. A strange warmth would spread from the pressure point in his chest and would make him shiver without even feeling a breeze. His hands would tingle and they would begin to sweat. He couldn't understand why he felt all that, but he did. He felt as though thinking about Carlen would make him feel sick, yet it was not an awful feeling.