Loving You the Second Time Around

CHAPTER 10

If  you will throw mud on the wall even if it won't stick, it will surely leave some stains.

WARNING: HEAVY DRAMA ON THE WAY. I hope I can make you cry.

JUNMYEON'S POV

THE circumstances that are happening in my life right now is keeping me away from being sane.

This is not what I expected my life would become, and I cannot help myself to stay strong. I'm starting to feel wear and tired.

I took another sip from my tenth bottle of liquor. I decided to isolate myself for awhile, and to just take a little rest from the unexpected twist of events happening in my life right now.

*krrriiinnggg... krrriiinnggg..*

Baby Chorong Calling...

I only stared at the phone—Waiting for it stop from ringing. When it did, I saw some notifications.

56 missed calls..
159 unread messages.

The unanswered calls and messages came from all of them... from the boys, from Chorong, and from my parents.

They were left unanswered for a couple of days now.

Wondering what's happening now?

All of a sudden, I decided to locked up myself. I want to take some time off to think, and to decide some important things that I have to choose for my life.

Jung Eunji...

*dug dug.. dug dug..*

I held my left chest and felt the loud thumping of my heart.

"Just by thinking of your name makes my heart to beat fast. Jung Eunji... what's with up you that you could make me feel like this?"

I smiled bitterly to my reflection on the mirror, and scoffed as I looked away.

"I look pathetic and wasted."

Small hair are starting to grow from my chin down to my neck. I have hair, blood shot eyes with dark circles around it, and swollen face from the lack of sleep.

This face... this picture... this was me, when she left me.

This was me a long time ago. This was the Junmyeon that was long gone.

Why am I being like this again? Why am I letting myself to become that wasted man again?

I shouldn't! But how can I? How can I stop myself when I am confused once again! I don't have answers for myself! I can't decide things! I can't do the proper thing to do! I am against with my own self!

"How could you do this to me again, Eunji?! How could you shatter me into pieces once again?! HOW COULD YOU!" AAAAAAAAH!"

*booooogssh!*

I threw every object that my hands can reach. With every throw, to every object that would hit the wall contains all the heavy feeling that I have now. All the pain and misery. Hoping that every throw I make can suck up all my emotions.

I wanted to feel numb. I don't want to feel anything! Especially this frickin pain inside of me! This dying feeling!

Hoping that every tear streaming down my cheeks can cure the big wound inside my heart. That every tears coming from my eyes would wash away all the pain. The wound and pain that I thought were already healed by time.

The wound that Eunji made.

"I shouldn't have seen you again! I hate you! I should hate you!! You ruined me! You killed me! You've cause enough pain! Please! Let this all end! I'm tired already!" I shouted, releasing every pain I feel inside. Crying hard like a kid. Screaming out like a retarded man.