grenades; parkbomb

{chapter 24}

-Parker's POV-

"March 2nd, 2015
I'm happy that I've found my place with Parker, and I've come to a realization that, although these grenades make a mess, it can be cleaned up.

I know that in the future, more grenades will be thrown, more damage will be done, but in the end, I'm confident that we will win.

It's going to be okay, and I know that I will have a shoulder to lean on during this whole battle, even if we get hit a few times by wild explosions."

My throat tightens as I finish reading Liam's words. My eyes flicker at him for the fourth time in the past two minutes.

I have had the constant feeling of guilt. Devon has tried to talk me out of feeling like this, but it's who I am.

This is my fault, im too overprotective. Reading this and knowing that this is how he truly feels-or felt- about me encourages me to forgive him.

I must mean something to him if he can't live without me - literally.

My thoughts mix and spin throughout my mind while the image of his tears pauses behind my eyelids.

Those tears are because of me.

My eyes look to the red glowing digital clock,3:07 am it says, but I still stay awake. I want to be there for him. I need him and he needs me.

Why would he cheat? Am I not good enough?

His screams replay into my internal ears.

"I'm not good enough!"

I rub my hands over my eyes to clear my vision. He thinks he is not good enough.

Why did I have to kiss Mike and why did he have to kiss Iris.

"it started out as a kiss, how did it end up like this" I whisper to myself, lightly laughing in weak attempt at covering up my pounding pains.

My laughs quickly turn into sobs, then screams.

I can't do this but I need to stay alive for him.

I need to be there for him when he wakes up. I need him to be happy and feel safe.

I pull out my phone and open up his channel. I play his videos, just to hear his happy voice again.

My heart aches for him. I just want him to fucking wake up.

I stand up to study the room further than I already have. My fingers glide across the cold granite countertop and over the cheap metal sink.

I weakly walk back to my chair, and continue to wait for him to wake up.

My eyelids drop and when I next open them the room is filled with light.

I walk to the window and open the blinds further, letting in more daylight.

It's now 7:24 am. Devon walks into the room, his eyes meet mine, filled with a deep sympathy for me.

Devon and I talk for a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

"I remember one time, we wore batman onesies and went to chipotle" I chuckle, looking down at my shoes as the happy memory scrolls through my mind.

A soft chuckle comes from Liam, startling both Devon and me.

"Liam" I say, running my arms on his, then holding him as tightly as I could.

"Hey" he barley says.

I feel our tears mixing. "hey it's okay" I say, wiping his cheeks with my thumb.

"Don't cry, it's okay you're okay"

"Parker-" he tries.

"You're safe now it's okay i love you so much" I cut him off.

"Parker I don't think you understand" he says, trying to prop himself up on his elbows to get a good look at me.

" I'm a monster."