Fake Harley

Chapter 1

Fake Harley

"You sure J's gonna be ok with us just taking off early like this, Harley?" asked Rocco, reaching for his jacket.

"He will today," said Harley, nodding. "It's our anniversary, Roc. Mr. J won't have forgotten. He'll be glad that all you henchguys have cleared out early so he and I can have a little private time with just the two of us. I made pie," she murmured dreamily, gesturing to a giant cream pie in the center of the room.

"O...K," said Rocco slowly. "Well, if he changes his mind, he needs to call my cell phone. I won't be at home tonight."

"Got a hot date, Roc?" asked Harley, smiling at him.

"No," replied Rocco. "But I do get to spend the evening with a very attractive young woman. I'm meeting my daughter for dinner."

"Aw, I'm so glad you got back in touch with her, Roc!" said Harley, beaming. "Y'know, it's important to show the people you love that you care. Which is why I made that pie for Mr. J. And why I'm gonna pop out of it when he gets home, so he can lick all the cream off me nice and slowly, if ya know what I mean," she said, grinning.

"Er...yeah," stammered Rocco. He looked from the pie to her. "How are you...uh...gonna breathe in there?"

Harley stared at him. "Hmm...hadn't thought about that," she muttered, looking around. She seized a straw. "This'll work!" she said. "I'll just pop this out and breathe through it."

"Ok. Well, have a nice evening, Harley. And congrats to you and J," said Rocco, heading for the door.

"Um...Roc...can I ask a quick favor?" asked Harley, rushing after him.

"Sure, Harley, anything, you know that," replied Rocco, smiling at her.

"Can you...uh...help me into the pie?" asked Harley, nodding at it.

Rocco sighed, and then took off his jacket. "Yeah, fine, Harley. I'll just call Angela and tell her I'm gonna be late."

"Roc, what the hell happened to you?" asked the Joker, as he got out of his car to see Rocco emerging from the warehouse, covered in foam. "Is that pie filling?"

"Cream pie filling, yeah," sighed Rocco. "Just gonna go home to get changed before I meet my daughter for dinner..."

"Hang on, Roc, you can't leave," said Joker. "I got a job I wanna pull tonight."

Rocco stared at him. "Oh. Well...Harley's given the guys the night off."

"What?!" demanded Joker, furiously. "That dumb broad! What the hell did she do that for?!"

"It's...your anniversary," said Rocco, slowly.

Joker stared at him. "My anniversary of what?"

"Uh...no, your and Harley's anniversary," said Rocco. "As a couple. Apparently it's been eight years. Congratulations."

Joker continued to stare at him. "Eight...years?" he stammered. "Eight years that uselss waste of space has been weighing me down? Oh God, it's seemed so much longer than that!" He sighed, burying his face in his hands. "And she's planned some sort of surprise, hasn't she? Involving a cream pie?"

"Yeah. She's gonna...come out of a cream pie," said Rocco. "Singing. I think it'll mean a lot to her if you act surprised, though. She went through a lot of effort, and..."

"Oh God, this is going to be painful," interrupted Joker, massaging his temples. He brightened suddenly. "Any chance she'll suffocate in the pie if I wait out here and have a cigar instead?" he asked, hopefully.