Fake Harley

Chapter 3

"Thanks for your help setting up the catwalk, sweetheart. I'm sure you did a beauty pageant or two in your time, huh?" asked Joker, beaming at Rocco's daughter, Angela.

"Um...no," replied Angela. "I wasn't really the beauty pageant type. Did a lot of reading, usually."

"Ah. Nerdy. Nothing wrong with that, sweetheart, even nerdy dames have their uses," said Joker, clapping her on the back. "Harley was always a little..." He trailed off, clearing his throat. "So you're what, a librarian now?"

"I'm a neurologist at Gotham General," replied Angela.

"Right. So you do like drug tests on people's urine?" asked Joker.

"I study the brain, mostly," said Angela, slowly.

"Aw, good for you," said Joker, clapping her on the back again. "Where would any of us be without our brains?"

"Well, I do know a lot of people who seem to get along just fine without using them," replied Angela, smiling.

Joker smiled back. "That's a joke, sweetheart," he murmured. "And a good one. I like that in a dame. Y'know if you wanna audition for the henchgirl position yourself, we could have a father-daughter double act..."

"Thanks, Mr. Joker, that's very flattering, but I enjoy my job at Gotham General," interrupted Angela, hastily. "I need to get back actually, so...enjoy the auditions. See you later, Daddy," she said, hugging Rocco.

"Bye, sweetie," he said, kissing her.

"She's a good kid," said Joker, nodding after her. "You did a good job."

"It was her mother's doing, mostly," replied Rocco. "But she turned out all right despite that."

Joker laughed, and then checked his watch. "Right, well, we'd better get this party started," he said, clapping his hands. "Bring on the dames, right, Harv?" he asked, turning to Two-Face. "You got the list, Roc?"

"Yep. We're all set," said Rocco, sitting down beside the catwalk next to Joker and Two-Face. "Can we have the first girl, please?" he called.

A very pretty young woman stepped out onto the catwalk, smiling. Her face fell suddenly when she saw the Joker. "Oh," she said, slowly. "You...don't look a lot like your pictures online."

"Yeah, I've been told I'm taller in the flesh," said Joker, nodding.

"No, I mean...your hair's not long and unwashed," said the girl. "And your makeup's really clean..."

"Makeup? This ain't makeup, toots. I look like this 24/7," retorted Joker.

"Oh. Because online you got makeup on your face. And scars. How can you tell people how you got your scars if you don't have scars?"

"Look, sweetheart, I dunno what the hell you're talking about," retorted Joker.

"Can you say the line?" she asked.

"What line?" asked Joker, puzzled.

"Why so serious?" she retorted.

"What?"

"Never mind," the girl sighed, heading off the catwalk. "You're not the Joker I wanted."

Joker stared after her, and then shook his head. "I tell ya, Harv, some people are just plain nuts," he sighed. "Call in the next one, Roc."

A pretty blonde woman strode onto the catwalk, a woman both Joker and Two-Face recognized. "Sugar?" asked Joker, astonished.

It was indeed Peyton Riley, who held her arms behind her back. "Yeah," she retorted. "I got tired of working for the dummy. Thought I'd try my luck working for a real man," she murmured, grinning at Joker.