Fake Harley

Chapter 4

"You sure you're gonna be ok at this job tonight, Harley?" asked Poison Ivy, looking at her friend in concern. "I can ask Selina to come if you..."

"No, it's ok, Red," said Harley, forcing a smile. "Work is gonna be just the thing to get my mind off my troubles."

Ivy nodded, but was far from covinced. When Harley had shown up at her door covered in pie filling and sobbing her heart out, Ivy automatically and correctly assumed that something had gone wrong between her and the clown again. She had listened to it all as she had a thousand times before, she had said the exact same comforting things she had always said, and Harley had vowed never to return to the Joker, as she always did. Ivy wasn't optimistic about her keeping her resolution, but it had been a week now, so longer than she usually lasted. It must have been some fight. She wondered if Harley had got covered in pie before or after it.

Ivy shook her head to clear her thoughts as they both got out of the car. "Well, if you're sure, Harley. It's just kinda important that you don't lose it during the middle of this or anything in case Batman shows up..."

"Can we not mention him, Red?" interrupted Harley. "If he does show up, he's gonna wish he hadn't, all right? I ain't in the mood to see the guy...Mr. J prefers to me..." she began, tears filling her eyes again.

"Harley, really, I can call Selina..." said Ivy, reaching for her phone.

"No, please, Red, let me do this," said Harley, wiping her eyes. "I really wanna."

Ivy sighed. "I'm going to regret this," she muttered, putting away her phone as they both entered the museum.

Ivy led Harley over to a case full of amber. "The museum's recently acquired a collection of extinct plants which have been trapped in amber," she murmured, picking the lock on the case. "If I can extract some of the DNA, it's possible that I might be able to bring these types of vegetation back."

"You mean like in Jurassic Park?" asked Harley. "Cause I've seen that movie, and it didn't work out so good for them."

Ivy was about to try to explain to Harley the rather large distinction between a plant and a dinosaur, when they suddenly heard a bang from upstairs. "Jesus, Roc, watch where you're going, will ya?" snapped a familiar voice. "You wanna bring the Bat down on us?"

"Mr. J!" breathed Harley, her eyes lighting up. She was about to race off toward the sound of the voice when Ivy caught her arm.

"Wait a second, Harley, I thought you never wanted to see him again after that fight you had!" she said.

"Oh...yeah...about that, Red..." stammered Harley. "I mean...it was probably my fault...I'll apologize for fighting, and then I'm sure he'll apologize, and everything will be ok between us again, so don't you worry!"

"Harley...Harley, wait!" hissed Ivy as Harley broke away from her and ran off. Ivy sighed. "So much for never going back to him," she muttered.

Harley dashed up the stairs, her heart pounding in excitement and her stomach churning with butterflies. She always felt this way when she was going to see Mr. J again after a long absence. It was the anticipation of ultimate happiness, which is what she felt when she was near him. "I'm sorry, it was all my fault, you were right, I love you, puddin'," she murmured, rehearsing her apology as she ran. She reached the top of the stairs and turned the corner. "Mr..." she began, but froze suddenly.

The Joker was taking a painting off a wall, and holding the other end was an incredibly attractive woman wearing Harley's costume. Harley stared at her in astonishment as Joker looked up in surprise. "Harley..." he stammered. "What are you doing here?"

"Who is she?" gasped Harley, pointing.

"Oh. She's...uh...wow, this is awkward," said Joker. He put down the painting and then gestured at the girl. "Harley, meet...Fake Harley."

"Fake Harley?" repeated Harley, stunned.

"Pleased to meetcha," said Fake Harley, in an imitation of Harley's accent, holding out her hand to her.

"Just like the real thing, huh?" chuckled Joker, draping an arm around her. "Only...y'know...hotter."

Harley gazed at him, heartbroken. "You...replaced me?" she gasped.

"I prefer the term upgraded, pooh," he said, nodding. "See, if it were you pulling this job with me, you'd probably have dropped the painting, or tripped over it, or broken it somehow, and the Bat would be on us and dragging us back to Arkham as we speak. But Fake Harley was able to jump over the wall with her fantastic gymnast skills, hack into the security system with her expert computer skills and turn off the security cameras in the art exhibit. And she even counterfeited this painting that we're stealing with her incredible talent at art. Nobody will even be able to tell it's a fake. And she got the joke – we're replacing a real clown painting with a fake one. A fake Harlequin!" he exclaimed, laughing. "Get it?"

Harley just stared at him, crying silent tears. She opened her mouth to speak when suddenly an alarm sounded throughout the building. "God dammit, Roc, I told you..." began Joker, rounding on his henchman.

"It's not me, boss, the alarm's coming from downstairs," interrupted Rocco.

"Red!" cried Harley, as Ivy raced up the stairs, clutching the amber tightly.

"Yeah, yeah, it was me, didn't realize they were individually alarmed, let's go," she snapped, grabbing Harley's hand. She suddenly noticed Fake Harley and stared at her, stunned. "What the hell..."

A black shape suddenly crashed through the roof, sending glass shattering everywhere. Even Batman couldn't conceal his surprise as he landed on the ground to see Joker, Ivy, and what appeared to be two Harleys.

"What..." he began, but Fake Harley leapt forward suddenly, smashing her arm down on the back of his neck. Batman hissed in pain, falling to his knees, as Fake Harley continued to beat him.

"Expert in jiu jitsu as well, apparently," murmured Joker, as he watched Batman futiley trying to block her blows.

Fake Harley pulled out a gun. "Want me to finish him off, boss?" she asked.

"Hell, no!" shouted Joker, grabbing the gun away from her. "What the hell is your problem, kid, you stupid or something?! You can't kill him! He's my nemesis, for God's sake! Jesus, you really don't get it, do you?!"

In the pause, Batman had leapt to his feet, knocking Fake Harley back and knocking Joker to the ground. "Come on!" shouted Ivy, grabbing Harley's hand and racing from the room. Or at least, that was the intention. Harley accidentally knocked against a statue, which fell to the ground, pinning her and Ivy under it.

Meanwhile, Fake Harley kicked Batman hard in the face, knocking him off Joker. "I'll get us outta here, boss," she muttered, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the room with Rocco following. Once they had left the exhibit, Fake Harley threw a grenade inside, which exploded, covering the doorway in rubble. They dashed off into Joker's car and disappeared into the night.

Batman struggled to his feet, coughing, as the smoke cleared. "Little help, Bats?" asked Ivy, trying to squeeze out from under the statue. Batman lifted it off, and immediately handcuffed Ivy. He expected some sort of resistance from Harley, but she just lay there, crying silently. He led them both to the Batmobile and drove to Arkham. Harley didn't say a word the whole ride, and she didn't say a word after she was confined in her cell – she just sat on her bed with her knees curled up to her chest, endless tears streaming down her cheeks.