Fake Harley

Chapter 10

"I can't decide if I hate them more when they're fighting, or when they've made up after a fight," said Poison Ivy to Two-Face, as they sat in the cafeteria of Arkham Asylum, watching Harley feeding Joker from her fork and cuddling him.

"I'm still mad at J for killing the henchgirl," muttered Two-Face. "That dame was hot. He could have at least offered her to me."

"A woman is not just a piece of meat that you pass around from man to man," snapped Ivy. "She obviously had some sort of deep rooted psychological issues that made her obsessed with J."

"Yeah. Lotta that going around," commented Two-Face, watching as Harley ruffled Joker's hair, cooing. "Wonder what he's got that I haven't."

"Try a whole face, for a start," retorted Ivy.

"Screw you, Pammie!" he snapped.

She stood up, about to storm off, when he seized her arm. "Um...that was also a question," he said.

She glared at him, and then slapped him hard across the face.

"Is that a no?" he asked.

"Eight o'clock in the janitor's closet," she muttered, storming off.

"Oh, I meant to say, puddin', we got a letter from Angela," said Harley, taking a piece of paper out of her pocket. "She says thanks for making Batman return her car before dropping us off at Arkham. And she says she's looking after Rocco while he's in the hospital with minor injuries, so that's nice that they get to spend some time together. He sends his love to both of us, and wishes us a happy anniversary for tonight."

"Thought you already had your anniversary," commented Two-Face. "Thought that was why you broke up."

"Yeah, and what kinda way is that to spend your anniversary?" said Harley. "It was a pretty crap day really, so we thought we'd just redo it. And puddin' has something much more romantic planned for tonight, doncha, puddin'?" she purred, kissing him.

He nodded. "Yeah. Just wait until you see it, Harl."

Harley beamed, kissing him again and trying to contain her excitement for tonight. She was sure it was going to be hot.

...

"Ok, pooh, open your eyes!" exclaimed the Joker, pulling his hands away from her eyes.

Harley obeyed, looking around the Rec Room. Her face fell as she realized nothing was different about it. "Um...where's the surprise, Mr. J?" she asked, turning to him.

"Here, silly!" he said, going over to the TV and plugging into two microphones. He flicked on the TV as music began playing and words began appearing on the screen.

"What...is it, Mr. J?" asked Harley, slowly.

"Karaoke!" he said, beaming at her. "If I couldn't have a musical montage break up, I wanted to have a musical montage reunion! And it can't really be a montage, because what kinda montage can you have in Arkham? I mean, the whole place is designed to stifle your creativity. But it ain't a reconciliation if there ain't singing and dancing, am I right, pumpkin?"

Harley listened to the music for a moment. "Did Elton John give you permission to use this?" she asked.

"I didn't ask him," retorted Joker. "Didn't wanna have to kill him too. He is a knight, y'know, and the only knight I want dead is a Dork one!" he chuckled.

Harley giggled, taking one of the microphones from him. He turned up the volume on the TV and took Harley's hand, pulling her close.

"Don't go breaking my heart,
I couldn't if I tried.
Honey if I get restless,
Baby you're not that kind..."

"Why are Harley and J singing Elton John?" asked Two-Face, drawing away from Ivy in the janitor's closet.

"Because they're crazy," retorted Ivy, pulling him back to her. "Just shut up and kiss me."

"Don't go breaking my heart,
You take the weight off me.
Honey when you knocked on my door,
I gave you my key.

Nobody knows it,
When I was down,
I was your clown.
Nobody knows it,
Right from the start,
I gave you my heart,
I gave you my heart.

So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my heart."

They had been dancing together, and as the song ended, Harley collapsed in a fit of giggles, pulling Joker down onto the sofa on top of her.

"Happy anniversary, baby," he murmured.

"Happy anniversary, Mr. J," she whispered, kissing him. She beamed at him and then said, "And now we can go have sex, right?"

"I guess," he sighed. "Though Harvey and Pammie might be some time in our janitor's closet. Oooh, I know what'll be fun, pooh! While we're waiting for them to vacate, why don't we set up a bucket of flaming napalm that'll fall on Harvey and Pammie when they open the door to leave? That'll teach 'em to steal our space, and it'll really get me in the mood too! Nothing heats things up in the bedroom quicker than fire! And nothing says I love my little Harley pie like dropping a bucket of flaming napalm on unsuspecting bystanders, am I right, pooh?"

Harley smiled. "Sure thing, Mr. J," she whispered, kissing him.

The End