Red Blooded

Chapter 20 - Bone Crunch

I was pathetic. I was a coward. I was stubborn, and I was naive - just a few words to describe how I felt right now. Par for the course, summoning up the courage to start speaking to my family made me feel a torrent of emotions I hadn’t been expecting to feel. Aside from the atrocities my emotions had decided to pelt at me, I was scared...and, if I was honest, a little fragile.

It was three days before ‘tomorrow’ actually happened. Three long days.  

Naturally, I had shied away from human contact, only choosing to speak when spoken too. And naturally, my absence in work had given space for gossip to arise, though that was quickly nipped in the bud as soon as I stepped foot into the staff room on one busy afternoon. The deafening silence that ensued as I pointedly outstayed my welcome in the breakout area was enough to confirm people’s places in the hierarchy. Bitching about the boss was enough to get you fired.

Though I was determined to start building bridges with my family, I was scared of actually having to let them in again. Letting people in seemed harder than kicking them out. And it wasn’t just because I was scared...I mean, how could I not be? Death still hung over me, making my future blurry. With the uncertainty of my future, letting people in only for them to get hurt was the biggest ache in my heart.

Still. It only took three days before I even attempted reconciliation. Three days was worth the wait.

I knew he was here, George told me so just moments earlier when I called him. It was strange. Never had I had the need to call another person to confirm his whereabouts before because he used to almost always be by my side. Now, as I took careful and calculated steps towards the smoking shelter on the roof, I felt saddened by the turn of events that led to our separation.

I could hear him on the phone before I reached the top of the stairs to the door that led onto the roof. His voice carried through to the stairway, echoing around me. George had already ushered lingering staff members moments after he made the call to me, telling me where he was.

My brother.

Eric.

I could feel the heart palpitations coming on with every step I took, leading me to the open door that led out onto the roof. The breeze already welcomed me with its own chilly embrace, caressing my bare legs and bringing out the goose pimples.

Eric didn’t turn around when I stepped out onto the roof, even though the clicking of my heel gave way to presence joining him. He stood still, overlooking views of the city, cigarette in one hand, cell phone attached to his ear in the other. His shoulders were tense, that much was obvious, and his murmuring on the phone call ended abruptly. His audible sigh pulled at my heart strings. There was once a time when I knew what he was stressed about, knew why he was stressed, and I knew how to make it better.

As I took tiny steps closer to his still figure, I found myself at a loss at how to react to him. All I could do was breathe in heavily, hold my breath for a second, and breathe out. I repeated the process until eventually I stood still by his side. He didn’t turn around, but I looked up to his face. And I was confronted with my worst fears.

He looked different. Eric looked different.

It had been nearly a month, just over, since I had last seen him. My last moments weren’t the best. All I remember, whether it was accurate or not, was his screwed up, agonised face as I screamed at him to leave me alone. I may not have admitted it then, but now that I was in his presence, I missed the feeling of warmth that came from family connection. I missed the warmth of kinship.

I guessed he realised it was me standing next to him because he hadn’t spared me a glance since I stepped onto the roof. By this point I already knew that he knew it was me standing next to me. My foolishness had me cringing before I cleared my breath, looked out to the view of the city, and started.