Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 13: The Sister

The falling leaves of autumn were slowly dying down as the month of May approached. Autumn, by far Zaheer's favourite season, seemed to be slowly whispering at the prospect of renewed hope and vigour. While Zaheer had already given up on Zahraa, he was now excited by the development that they had made. This was not to say that Zahraa and Zaheer spent any time together, in fact these days they hardly even got to see much of each other due to the busyness of their academic schedules. While Zaheer was thrilled that Zahraa and him were now on speaking terms, and getting along well too, he was also disappointed that he never found any time to spend with her. Lately he couldn't even expect to catch up with her on the school bus since all the matriculants remained at school each day for extra tuition.

It was thus with great enthusiasm and relief that Zaheer noticed, one Monday afternoon, that Zahraa was boarding the bus. Zaheer was sitting at his usual spot with all his friends but quickly joined Zahraa as she manoeuvred herself past the crowds of people. "Nice to see you here for a change." said Zaheer, clearly pleased. "I know right?" replied Zahraa "Gosh, the prospect of going home early for once actually excites me. I wasn't busy doing much today anyway so I managed to make a break. Anything to be out of the classroom you know!" "Well, I don't care why you here", said Zaheer, I'm just happy that you are." Zahraa instantly turned a shade of red but Zaheer, who hadn't noticed continued: You know I was thinking, you never did tell me that story of your sister. "Oh yeah! I forgot about that." replied Zahraa, "I can tell you now if you have the time." And for the entire bus ride home, Zahraa told the story.

"My sister Saaliha had this on again off again relationship with a boy that she really loved. They were really serious about each other and we were all convinced that they were going to get married. At the time however she was just beginning University and so they couldn't exactly get married. The guy, His name was Farhaad, would spend long hours by our house, chatting with my parents and everything. This all happened about three years ago, so I was about fourteen years old. I can still remember all the conversations my sister had with me. I was still young and so I hopelessly dreamed of finding my own Farhaad, my own soul mate.

It started off with holding hands. Where as before they had boundaries, now I started noticing how much more affectionate they were with each other, how they whispered secret words and smiled secret smiles. I noticed how their fingers found each other and how their hands became entwined. One day, after hanging out with him, my sister came home with a giddy look of joy on her face. She told me all about their first kiss and how wonderful it was.

My parents, of course, were oblivious to the progression of their relationship. They had grown us up well and taught us right from wrong. We both knew all too well what Islam forbade. I guess they assumed that Saaliha knew better, and that somehow she'd be able to control herself. "

Zahraa paused for a moment, made sure that Zaheer was still paying attention (which, of course, he was) and then continued.

"My parents tried to be realistic. They thought that since she couldn't marry him now, they could simply just hang out, since they knew too well how much they liked each other. But my parents didn't consider how difficult it really is for two young people, who are attracted to each other, to refrain from doing haraam things. It's easy to say that my sister was weak, but if you put anyone in that same situation, they might behave in the exact same manner.

Anyway, back to the story. So that was the night of the kiss, and I can only assume far more came after that. Secret meetings (of which, I have to admit, I helped cover up), long awaited kisses, and prolonged conversations; this was really getting pretty bad. Alahmdulillah, and it was definitely by the grace of Allah, it never went as bad and far as actual sex - Something that my sister would learn to appreciate later.

Then all of a sudden, it just ended. Apparently they both realised that they didn't really want to marry each other. It's like they just got tired of each other. All of the love and excitement just disappeared. She would come home complaining about him, frustrated at something he did, or bothered by the way he treated her. When it all ended she simply said that he wasn't who she fell in love with- that he had changed. There were no tears or heartbreak, no dumping or sorrow. It just ended, just like that. I think that I, being the hopeful optimist I was, was sadder than any of them. I kept telling her "but he's perfect for you" and other stupid things like that. In my world they were my own personal fairy tale, and I really didn't want it to end. My pleading didn't help though. They broke up, never to be reunited, and a couple of years later they were both happily married to different people.

Anyway, soon after they broke up my sister started feeling guilty. See, like I said we all know what we need to do as Muslims right- sometimes we're just too weak. With Farhaad, Saaliha was just too weak. But now that it was over, she could suddenly see the error of her ways. Sometimes I would find her crying, saying that she feared that Allah will never forgive her. And even though I tried to console her, I don't really think she ever listened.

One day I was reading Qur'aan- the English translation, when I came across a specific beautiful aayat. I still remember, its in Surah Aal-Imraan (3), ayat 134-136. Allah (SWT) talks about those who do good- and how they are those who when they commit an immoral act, they seek forgiveness and resolve to never do it again. You must go read the full ayaat- its really beautiful. Anyway, I gave it to my sister to read and I think it helped her alot. Soon she went back to her normal self and when she met her husband, she made an effort to rather get married sooner, than to allow herself to do something wrong again.

For me, I couldn't help thinking what a waste it all was. I mean, Saaliha and Farhaad had spent so much time together; had done haraam, under the pretence and consolation that they were going to get married- though that didn't make it any less haraam; had wasted money and effort; and had compromised their closeness with their Creator- to end up all broken and guilty. It was really just such a waste. I kept thinking of how easily my sister had fallen into this trap, how easily she had given so much of herself, and I realised the full extent of the influence that boys and girls can have on each other. I think that it's really hard to see the boundaries between right and wrong when you're all caught up in someone else.

So I convinced myself that I would not be so stupid. I would not risk my Imaan for a boy, I would not put myself in such a position; and that I would never have a boyfriend. Oh, I know that most muslims have boyfriends- they hang out, call and sms each other and chat constantly. They think that its halaal dating or simply because they don't sleep with each other. But for me, there's no such thing. If you're alone with your boyfriend, we all know that Shaitaan is the third person. And even if your boyfriend doesn't expect dates or kisses, at some point another he will begin to expect something. Otherwise why date? Why not just be normal acquaintances like everybody else?"

Zaheer was finally beginning to see where Zahraa's story was headed. He finally understood why she was sometimes so distant and reluctant. "So why not just tell me all this from the beginning" asked Zaheer. When you saw that I liked you, why not just explain all this to me?" Zahraa was quiet for a moment before she answered. Then she said softly: "Because I was a coward. I may be firm in my ideals, but I am still reluctant to broadcast it. I don't want people to think that I'm some crazy holy girl or something. This is high school. I'm only sharing all this with you because of everything you went through with Hafsah. Because even though she said all those stuff about you, I think you didn't do anything with her because, unlike so many other boys, you actually have your head screwed on right. And well, I'm also telling you all this so you can understand what I was going through. Everything I did wasn't because I didn't like you; instead it was because I did."