Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 29: Unwelcome advice

After having all their feelings out in the open, Zahraa felt relieved and satisfied. Their chats were now filled with talk about how much they cared for each other and their relationship was quickly progressing. Now, however, Zahraa began feeling guilty. Initially she had told herself that her relationship with Zaheer was innocent. She had convinced herself that there could be no real harm in their chats and sms's because there were no real feelings involved. Now that she was aware that they both shared the same deep feelings, she became concerned about their ongoing relationship.

One Sunday afternoon , while spending the morning with her sister, she mentioned Zaheer and everything that was happening between them. What she expected was for Saaliha to be happy that her younger sister was so clearly 'in love'. Zahraa was caught off guard when Saaliha began questioning her, asking her if she knew what she was getting herself into.

"You usually the reasonable one Zahraa" Saaliha said. "You're the one who goes on about how an arranged marriage is the halaal way of doing things. You're so against dating and all of that. Are you gonna just throw away all your beliefs for a guy?"

Zahraa suddenly became enraged. "Well we're not doing anything haraam now are we?" she asked her sister angrily. "We just chat and sms. We're not doing anything wrong."

Before she could continue Saaliha interrupted her. "Zahraa, you know what you're doing is wrong and you can't tell me otheriwise. You know that dating is about the emotional as well as the physical. You and Zaheer may not be doing anything physical together- but you basically still dating. And I could understand if it was anybody else- but I just feel that you should know better. There's a right way of doing things and then there's a wrong way. You're so obviously headed in the wrong direction.

Now Zahraa completely lost it. Who did Saaliha think she was in any case? She had spent years dating her boyfriend, emotionally and physically! What right did she have to come and tell Zahraa how to live her life when Zahraa never gave anyone any reason to doubt her. Despite her efforts to restrain herself, she continued telling Saaliha exactly what she felt. Saaliha's face immediately dropped and she remained silent for a while.

"You re right" she said to Zahraa. "You're right about everything. I wasted so much time on Farhaad and I did so much that I truly regret. In all those moments with him I forgot Allah, that's the truth, but Allah never forgot me. Allah saved me from doing any worse, gave me the opportunity to reflect and repent and still gave me a husband that's far too good for me. I regret my past everyday and I really wouldn't want to see you walking down the same crappy road."

"Well I'm not you" replied Zahraa, her anger subsiding. "I know that these feelings are hard to control and that's why I wont ever even agree to meet him anywhere- because I'm so terrified that we wont be able to control our own feelings." "But all we do is chat" she continued (trying more to convince herself and her growing guilt than her sister). How bad can that really be?"

"It may not be as bad as actual physical intimacy" replied Saaliha. "But its still intimacy with a guy who is not your husband. You really can't tell me that you guys don't flirt and flatter each other. I'm sure he says sweet little nothings to you that raises your blood pressure and even turns you on."

Zahraa remained silent. She thought about all that had happened between herself and Zaheer lately; all their late night chats and constant flirting.

When Saaliha noticed that Zahraa didn't argue, she continued. "Well that's where it all starts. That's how you get caught into the trap- thinking it's not that wrong though you know in your heart that it is. Until you find yourselves taking it all much further. Trust me I know. Its a lose lose situation here. If you don't end up marrying Zaheer, you'll just regret everything you did with him, and if you do marry him then all the blessings will be gone, because of all of these 'innocent' moments that you shared before marriage."

Zahraa remained silent and allowed Saaliha to continue with her lecture. She knew Saaliha well and she knew that she was the gentlest, kindest person around. She also knew that all of this advice was simply because Saaliha truly cared for her. And though she really wanted Saaliha to be wrong, she knew that everything she said was true. In the vain attempt to salvage her ego she kept on arguing that she knew exactly what she was doing, but deep down she feared that she really didn't have a clue.