Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 14: No Expectations

After Zahraa's explanation and confession, things between the two of them went from good to better. Zaheer didn't ask her out, phone her or even bother to meet beyond the hours of school. He understood now that with terms like dating and boyfriends, various problems arose. The feelings he had for Zahraa could not be prevented, but he was learning that as a Muslim those feelings needed to be controlled and guarded. Zahraa, of course, had been right all along. Had he actually succeeded in dating her, he knew that they would have probably, at some point or another, found themselves in a difficult position. And even though, with Hafsah, he was able to level-headedly contain himself, he knew that his feelings for Zahraa would have eventually overpowered him. Beyond that, he didn't want to imagine the various possibilities.

Even though he hardly spent any time with Zahraa, the knowledge that she shared his feelings, was satisfying enough. What more could he do at this point? He wasn't exactly in a position where he could even consider the term 'marriage', and he certainly didn't want to do anything haraam- so he knew that their distance and understanding was far better for both of them. They both simply expected nothing from each other- and that feeling brought them both ease.

t was on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of July that Zaheer actually really contemplated Zahraa's departure. The school had arranged a Guidance Day in order to adequately prepare Matriculants for the upcoming examinations. Teachers used this day to help with study tips, career decisions and stress management. Guidance Day had proved to be very successful in previous years and was thus anticipated by both students and teachers and, though it had been arranged for the matriculants and their parents, the grade elevens were also invited. Though Zaheer and Zahraa both attended with their parents in tow; and while the day was mainly filled with advice sessions and last careers decisions, they still managed to find some time to speak to each other. They happily chatted about school and studies and what they hoped the future held for them.

Thus it was, at this point, that Zaheer first really considered the fact that Zahraa would be leaving the school in just a few short months. And while Zahraa went on and on about the possible fields of study she might choose, Zaheer suddenly felt an unbearable load weighing upon his mind.

He couldn't help it when he starkly interrupted her by saying: "But you'll be leaving!" "Well yeah Zaheer, that's the point isn't it" replied Zahraa sarcastically. "But I mean you'll actually be going", replied Zaheer "I didn't really realize that you'll be going and that I won't be able to see you again."

Zahraa remained quiet, not knowing what to say to him. The silence that followed seemed to last for an eternity, and then ended abruptly when Zahraa's parents called her. Her parents who had, up until this point, been speaking to one of her teachers, made their way towards her.

"Zahraa honey, I think we're done now" said her mother. "Are you still busy?" "No I'm done too, replied Zahraa, Zaheer and I were just talking." "Oh so this is Zaheer", said Zahraa's father, suddenly paying attention. "I've heard about you." Zaheer just smiled meekly and greeted courteously.

They exchanged a few words and then greeted again, preparing to leave. Zahraa's parents left the two of them alone while they gathered their belongings and greeted their friends. But, at this point, Zaheer and Zahraa really didn't have any words left to say. As a way of an apology Zahraa smiled gently and gave Zaheer the only words of reassurance she could muster: "It doesn't have to be the end Zaheer. We might still see each other every now and again. And you can come to my University after you're done. Then we'll be together again." With that she turned and left with her parents.

Zaheer felt like an idiot. All of this time had gone by and this obvious realization had only hit him now. Zahraa would be gone. He would have to spend an entire year at school without her. No more lunch time, no more anticipation and excitement. School without Zahraa would be like a long and lonely road without a companion. He really could not even imagine this place without her. And what about the future, he kept wondering. Zahraa refused to meet him out of school- so there wasn't even a chance that they could hang out together. And what were the chances that Zaheer and Zahraa would even end up going to the same University? And if they didn't meet up at University, well then he would never see her again. Despite the little shimmers of hope that Zahraa had left him with, Zaheer knew that Zahraa's departure would mark the end of their relationship. Thus Zaheer was left with a feeling of intense dissatisfaction, and a sad foreboding.