Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 26: Awkward Meetings

It was almost 2 weeks after Zahraa's mother had first told her about the proposal and the guy in question was due to arrive at any moment. Zahraa had spent the day with Miriam and Hafsah, trying her best to calm her nerves. Though she knew that the proposal and their meeting tonight was all perfectly logical, she was still filled with an intense amount of fear. Hafsah and Miriam, usually so against arranged marriages, were quick to reassure her that she was doing the right thing.

Zahraa had sat down with her parents earlier in the evening and had gone through the proceedings for the night. First they would all sit casually in the lounge. Then, at the appropriate time, Zahraa and the guy (whose name she did not yet knew) would go and sit in the adjoining room- within close proximity of their parents yet separated enough to actually speak and interact comfortably.

Lost in her thoughts, Zahraa never heard the car approaching and only realised that they had arrived when her father announced: "They're here!"

Quickly she made a silent dua and then prepared herself for whatever was to come.

When Zahraa saw him, Mohsin- as she was told, her first instinct told her "no!" But, being smart and logical she decided to try to keep an open mind. He was accompanied by his parents and his uncle and all around Zahraa had to say that they were very likeable people. Despite their genial nature however, Zahraa felt like a stranger in her own home. The conversation flowed smoothly and everything seemed to be progressing positively.

When the time arrived, Zahraa and Mohsin left to sit in the adjoining room. Now she found herself in the most awkward moment of her young life and had to restrain her tears that were so desperately threatening to fall. Zahraa was usually confident and self assured. She spoke to all people from different walks of life and had never ever felt meek or shy. But as she sat here, with this stranger, she had to admit that she was actually shy. She couldn't even utter any intelligible sentences and when he asked her questions (though only a few because he himself looked nervous and shy) she muttered one word answers. She had never in a million years imagined that this would be so difficult, and she found herself counting down the moments when they would eventually leave.

To be fair Zahraa had to admit that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Mohsin. He seemed kind and good, had a decent job and was even quite good looking. But for some reason Zahraa was just not comfortable with him. She explained it to her mother, once their guests had departed.

"He seems great" Zahraa said "But I just always imagined that when a guy came to propose, if he was the right one- I would just know."

"Well honey, you never just know" replied Farida. "You have to get to know him better and see if you two could make a good match. There's no such thing as love at first sight. Love is something that you work at."

"I know that" said Zahraa, tearing up, "I just thought that this would be easier you know. And now I'm sitting here and thinking that I'm the one who is trying to do it the halaal way- but it's so difficult for me. And there are others out there who have fun and date and stuff and it's just so easy for them to find the right guy and get married. I keep thinking that it just seems unfair. And then I feel bad about feeling this way."

With that she suddenly lost the will to hold her tears and they all streamed forth.

Farida tried her best to reassure her daughter. "Life is like that. It may seem easy to do haraam, and it may seem unfair that all those people get married so easily, but when you do things the proper way- the halaal way, then Allah's blessings will always be with you. Then you'll find that there's blessing in your marriage and in your life. You don't always realize why you have peace and contentment, but it's because of Allah's blessings."

Zahraa tried very hard to be reassured by her mother's words but it provided her with little comfort.

Later that night she sat on her musalla and cried until her cheeks were red and her eyes were puffy. She knew that her intentions were right, she knew that despite the discomfort, she wanted to get married in the sunnah way, the halaal way. But she also knew that because of the society she lived in, this halaal way was the one that was more difficult and more frowned upon. Mention the word boyfriend and nobody seems to bat an eyelash. But mention 'arranged marriage' and everybody automatically thinks that you must be really old fashioned.

So there she sat, talking to her Creator, talking to the only Being who knew her true feelings and intentions. Her Creator knew how difficult the night had been for her, her Creator knew all the doubts and thoughts that were running through her mind, and she knew all to well that this same Creator, who knew her better than anyone else, would ease her troubles and lighten her burdens. After all her duas and all her tears Zahraa had to admit that she felt a little better. Somehow she just knew that everything would be fine. She kept on reassuring herself with the knowledge that Allah would not place a burden she could not bear upon her. She would be patient, she would keep talking to Allah. That, she knew, would ease all her burdens.