Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 31: End of the Road

She'd just have to tell him. There was nothing more to it. She would lay out all her cards on the table and be straight forward and honest.

Zahraa spent the next few days deliberating her next move. She hadn't emailed, smsed or chatted with Zaheer since that fateful chat and he was beginning to suspect that something was wrong. She ignored his many emails and smses and she stayed far away from mxit. She couldn't stand to lie to Zaheer by telling him everything was fine when it obviously wasn't. So instead she just ignored him until she figured out what to do.

Saaliha, Hafsah and Miriam were all a big help. She was surprised when Hafsah and Miriam wholeheartedly agreed with all she said. She had at least expected them to tell her that she was being too crazy. Instead they told her that, though they were not the perfect role models, she should always stick to her ideals. Saaliha assured her that she was finally thinking straight and that she was right not to let her emotions get in front of her common sense. Zahraa had always been against dating. But all her feelings for Zaheer had blinded her to the reality that she was, in fact, doing everything that she had always been against. Wasn't she the same one who had told Zaheer, back in high school, that there was no such a thing as halaal dating? She had always had her sense, knowing that flirting and dating could all invariably only lead to one direction. And now that Zaheer had made it clear that he had no intentions of marrying her now she knew that, should she continue down this same path, Zaheer and her would only be headed for destruction.

So she prepared to tell him the whole truth.

She let him know that she was waiting to chat and then logged on, mentally and emotionally preparing herself for what was still to come.

Her phone beeped with a sudden message from Zaheer:

"Okay, so I can call of the search parties now. Zahraa has been found!!! No seriously, where have you been? I've missed you!"

Zahraa responded with a simple: "Ive been thinking"

"That sounds ominous" replied Zaheer. "You must have been thinking about some really heavy stuff for so many days! Whats up?"

Okay, this was it. Zahraa took a deep breath and then lunged straight into it.

"I'm afraid that I don't want to carry on with all of this Zaheer. I really like you, I love you, I do (If I can pretend to know what love is) but I just feel that this is all not right. so, I have to stop it all. I'm sorry."

Zaheer took a moment before replying: "What are you talking about Zahraa? Whats not right? What must you stop?"

"Well", she replied. "You know what I'm talking about Zaheer because I'm sure you feel guilty too. You know that our flirting has only gotten worse- what will it turn into if we don't stop now? We chat all the time. I think about you all the time. I even dream about you. You are everywhere and all over and its just too much. I feel so guilty at times that I literally feel sick. I've always said that I cant compromise my Imaan for a guy. And now I feel that with you that's exactly what I'm doing. How can you not feel the same way?"

"I don't feel the same way", Zaheer replied "because I know that with you its the real thing."

"But how does that change anything?", replied Zahraa. "Whats right is right, and whats wrong is wrong. Do you really think that all of this is acceptable Islamic behaviour? Do you really think that Allah will be pleased with us? Because I'm telling you now, I don't think so.

"Okay fine", Zaheer replied. "Then what's the solution? Cant we slow things down? Cant we just be friends?

Zahraa knew better and so she responded with a simple,

"That could never happen, not now anyway, there's no turning back."

Now though she knew what he felt about marriage, Zahraa silently hoped that maybe now, faced with the prospect of losing her, Zaheer would change his mind. But when he failed to do that, when he failed to even consider the prospect of marriage, to even mention it, Zahraa was all the more determined to end it.

Suddenly all was silent. She waited for approximately 15 minutes before he replied.

"Zahraa, I guess that if you feel this way then I really cant change your mind. I'd be a fool to let you do anything that will make you feel guilty, and it would be really stupid of me to let you feel like you compromising your Imaan. I can offer you nothing now. All I am is me and I would never want to be bad for you. I'm sorry that it has to be this way but I don't see any other possible solution. I know you cant give in, and I understand why. And I can't do anything either to fix this. I don't want to let you go, but I think that I have no choice."

When she read his message, Zahraa couldn't help crying. Her tears rolled off her cheek and dropped onto her phone. She continued crying as she replied.

"Maybe these two hearts were just meant to be apart. We thought we could change that, but we were wrong. I guess we just weren't meant to be together."

She couldn't bear to wait for his reply so she logged off, climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep.