Two Hearts Apart

Chapter 41: A change of Mind

"Oh come on Zahraa, you really can't ditch me like this. You haave to go!"

Zahraa, who had been increasingly dreading Miriam's brother's wedding, had called Miriam to inform her that she really didn't want to go.

She had found some excuse about how tired she was and how much work she had to prepare for the following week. Unfortunately for her, Miriam knew her all too well.

"Don't give me that!" Miriam had told her candidly. "You never stress out about work, you never have 'too much work' usually and you never usually let me down."

"Come on Zahraa" Miriam continued. "I know why you don't want to go, and you really don't have to worry. You might not even see him there, so will you please just come?"

Over the past few weeks Zahraa had tried hard to convince herself that everything would be fine. She imagined that on seeing Zaheer she would be able to handle it. Her emotions took her through a series of daydreams in which she interacted with Zaheer in different ways. Sometimes she'd imagine herself telling him off, being honest with him and explaining how much he had truly hurt her. She would imagine that she'd tell him how he never truly cared for her and how, if he ever had cared he would never have let her go. Other times she'd imagine acting cool, pretending as if he didn't really matter all that much. She'd imagine talking to him normally, as if nothing had ever transpired between them. A part of her was actually excited to see him, assuring herself that she wouldn't let anything bother her.

But after she had received his email (to which she still had not replied) all her courage and bravado was washed away. Now she knew for sure that, in the event of seeing him, she had no idea how to react. It was at this point that she had decided that she could not possibly bear to see him and so she tried to make excuses to work her way out of the impending wedding.

"Please Zahraa, you have to come" Miriam continued. "Hafsah is already not going to be there. And I promise, if you guys leave me alone with all my aunts then I might just be the one who ends up getting married. I mean really, if I have to listen to one more conversation about how I better start shaping up in order to get married, I might just explode. And you really don't want my blood on your hands, now do you?"

"Oh please" Zahraa replied laughing "don't you think you being slightly over dramatic? They can't really be all that bad, they just care for you that's all."

"Oh sure" Miriam replied with a snort. You know what one of them told me yesterday? She told me that I must start acting like a lady, and that I must begin keeping my opinions to myself because I'm getting older and I might miss the opportunity to get married. And as if that was not enough she went on about how men don't age and how they never have a problem finding wives, and how I should start getting wiser!"

Zahraa could sense Miriam's extreme frustration, but her reluctance in seeing Zaheer was still getting the better of her.

"Please Zahraa" Miriam begged sincerely. "I really need you there, apart from the aunties, you know Ahmed and I are close and I really think I'm gonna be kinda sad. I need your support. Please, its just one night."

Zahraa was forced to give in.

"Fine" she said reluctantly, "I'll go."

It sounded as If Miriam actually clapped.

"Thanks Zah, I really appreciate it. I love you for this you know?"

"Well you better!" Zahraa replied sarcastically.

"I don't even know what I'm freaking out about anyway" she continued. "He probably wont even notice me there anyway, right...?"

"Well..." Miriam replied reluctantly. "Who knows, he might." Then as an afterthought she continued: "Hey, promise you won't bail out on me if I tell you something."

"Promise" Zahraa replied.

Miriam continued: "I think that Zaheer might have asked Ahmed about you, I'm not sure though. I mean he went out yesterday morning and said that he was hanging out with the guys, and I know that he often hangs out with Zaheer. Then when he came home, I mentioned something about the wedding and you or something and he showed a curious interest in you. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he just muttered something about how he was just asking."

"So maybe he was just asking" Zahraa responded.

"Oh no," Miriam replied with a laugh. "I know my brother, he never 'just asks'. And these days his head is so far up in the clouds, I know that he would only ask about you for a specific reason you know."

"So what did you tell him?" Zahraa asked.

"Well, I told him the truth. I told him that you busy with a proposal and, because I suspected that he was asking on behalf of someone else, I told him that you're happy."

"Thanks Miriam" Zahraa replied gratefully.

"No problem" Miriam replied obligingly.

Zahraa promised to meet up with Miriam the next day, and they said their goodbyes.

Later that night Zahraa thought about all that happened. She was so confused. Zaheer obviously didn't care about her, so why was he asking about her now? Or maybe, she thought, Miriam was reading too much into it all. She considered replying to Zaheer's email, but thought better of it. In the end she made a silent dua, asking Allah to give her strength and courage and to make all her matters easy for her. She knew deep down in her heart that Allah would always be by her side. She braced herself for the wedding and all that was still to come.