The Sob Stories of Lizzie Emerson (ON HOLD)

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I can remember the night when I lost myself, it happened like this...

June 5th, 2015 1:54 AM

Sitting on the roof of the porch in front of my house, I sat with my knees to my chest. I felt like I was going to implode from all of the voices inside my head.

One of them kept telling me to follow my heart and just go through with the plan, but the other says you will hurt the ones you love if you finish the deed.

The cool breeze that flows through my hair every five seconds makes me shiver every now and then. You can find me up here even when its almost freezing. My father says that I'm going to one day break a bone from staying up here, especially when I climb back into my cracked window pane.

My room is just a big utter mess, just like me. It inhabits a creme colored four poster bed, with Argentinian blankets. No I'm not rich, my dad's in the navy, he travels a lot. The dingy walls are painted bright turquoise, but it is covered in pictures of Orion, Sirius, and The Gemini Twins. Those are my favorite constellations by the way. Also, there is a Victorian style Armoire that holds all of my clothes, which are mostly all black any way. Everywhere you step there is either clothing on the floor or papers and books.

Paper is so fragile yet so strong. Just like I used to be.

On my bedside table I have a sticker covered box of illicit drug paraphernalia, glancing at it, then shaking my head. "I will not sink that low," saying it to myself over and over, the box has an ounce of freshly bought heroin, and a new needle to go along with it.

Shaking my head, I walk over to my Crosley record player and put a 33' of Stone Temple Pilots, of course the song I choose is Vasoline.

The music helps drown out the voices, but they keep screaming at me to relapse. It's too way easy to just give up and say fuck it, I'm gonna become a junkie again. "It's not worth it," I remind myself every five seconds. Rubbing my red rimmed eyes, my hands start shaking, and they feel clammy. I haven't slept in four days straight, the Adderall keeps me awake enough so I don't have to be drowned in my nightmare fueled unconsciousness.

My eyes pool with emotionless tears, this is what happens every night when I'm alone. The salty water streams down my cold cheeks and I let the darkness take over my body and soul.

There's only so much one person can take, this not being one of them.

40 days clean

"Two times and it has rendered me, punch drunk and without bail, think I'd be safer all alone."

So this story might have short updates, I have to be in the mood to write. But this is the first chapter. Thank you for reading! :* :)