The Sob Stories of Lizzie Emerson (ON HOLD)

6

I remember the last time I felt the feeling of being alive...

November 8, 2010 1:47 AM

My fingertips felt the smooth plastic of the red Solo Cup, inside of it is vodka. One of the most potent liquors I have consumed in my teen years. 

I could feel the bass from the large speakers jolting up through the soles of my sneakers to my head. It is an amazing feeling when you can just let go and enjoy yourself even if it is for just one night. I knew that my mother and father would be disappointed in me at the moment, I can already hear their commands to be what they call a normal daughter.

I had felt people staring at me like I was a unknown species on a examination table, but tonight I'm not going to let them ruin my good mood. My eyes shut as my body starts to move with the beat of the music, letting my hands reach the ceiling.

My cup that was supposed to be half full is now completely drained of the dangerous liquid, I can feel the alcohol hinder all of my worries and set my mind free. At this moment I have never felt more happy in my whole existence on this earth.

At 2 AM, my body is exhausted but I am not ready to leave this place, as I walk into the dingy kitchen that has the stench of cannabis to fill up my cup again someone taps my shoulder and loudly tells me to turn around. 

The girl takes out her black Polaroid camera and snapped a picture of me holding up a peace sign, my bloodshot eyes start to hurt from the flash but I don't care about that at the moment. All I care about is whose bed I am going to wake up with the heart wrenching guilt of not returning home. 

When I grab the freshly developed photo, I grinned drunkenly and stuffed it into my back pocket then going back to the living room, where everyone was either snorting cocaine, or dancing like they never had the chance to.

Once the song that I was dancing to ended, I moved away from everyone to take a breather by the holed wall behind me, it was like déjà vu, I remember being here more than once this week. I remember feeling everything over and over again, it was a constant battle between keeping myself happy and making others happy. I always chose the latter.

My mind was swirling with emotions, my heart told me to just go home and forget what I've done, but the temporary liquor restraint made me feel as if I am falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. I am upset at myself for letting this go on for so long that I forgot about doing the right thing fixing my burnt bridges.

That's when the tiny box that I keep my emotions in finally came crashing down on itself and made myself feel every single emotion I had yet to forget. 

But little did I know that everything good in my life would be ruined by just one little brown thing. 

45 days clean

"What it takes to come alive, It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny, But I've gotta let it go"

My apologies if this chapter sucked, I wrote it at like 4 AM so if it is not my best chapter, I tried to fix as much as I could without ruining the whole chapter. I hope you are having a good day/night wherever you are and thanks for reading! :* :)