My Angel of the Dawn (WomanxBoy, ManxBoy, Sci-Fi + Romance)

***44***

"I was twenty-three when it all went down the drain. A certain..." She clenched her teeth, trying to find the most suitable obscene word. "A certain aristocrat, whom I'd turned down, dug out my true identity at last. And trumpeted it through the entire capital. The scandal was monstrous. All free people of Bizarre felt it like a spit in their faces. The prominent families immediately forbade Nikas their houses; not for the first time in his life, though. Some time after I learned that a few of my clients had sued Nikas for fraud and indecent behavior. They'd even won the process, but the compensation was ridiculous. Nikas had never lied outright that I was a free woman. His only fault as a slave owner was not making me wear shiraz in public. You see, the Bizarrian law simply had no proper article. So Nikas had gotten off quite cheap. Unlike me."

In the Bizarrians' eyes only master was at fault, a slave being his obedient tool. But a dangerous tool should be confiscated and even destroyed. And Nelsa was a dangerous tool — a living breathing proof that a slave could pose as a free person. It was not far from the assumption that slaves and free people were not that different after all — which threatened to undermine the foundation of the Bizarrian society. So it was just a matter of time when Nelsa would have been dealt with appropriately — same as with rabid animals or lethal viruses. But time she did not have.

"That aristocrat — he was a bloody lunatic, a complete psychopath. That was why I had turned him down. I knew it deep down, sensed it. I'd been afraid even to be in the same room with that creep, let alone sleep with him. Maybe I should have done it anyway. And maybe the outcome would have been the same. In short, he and his three buddies had me kidnapped and taken to his summer house.

"I remember very little from the time they'd spent having fun with me. I couldn't even say how much time had passed. I was found a week later, in a ditch, sliced up beyond recognition. My hair had gone completely grey, as if I was in my eighties, not twenties. I was identified only by my slave chip. You see, the merry gentlemen had thought it amusing to carve out my wrist tattoo as well.

"Nikas had been notified — he still was my rightful owner. He even came to see me. They gave me morphine, and I was finally able to talk coherently, not scream in agony. So I begged him to let me die a free woman, and he signed my freedman papers. A noble gesture that cost him nothing. Or else he would have to pay my medical expenses. Athens League would not let him get away with slave cruelty. And what need would he have for a maimed slave who could not even bear children? He sued the bastards responsible and received a nice compensation for the property damage. And the property he left in the hospital to rot and die."

She had to pause again, to rein in her anger. Oh God, so many years had passed. The bastards responsible had been in the ground for a long time now, and Nikas had changed his name and went into hiding, leaving Bizarre for good. She's even learned to recall those events calmly over the years. But she had never told all this to someone else, and telling somehow revived old feelings. Rage and hatred, for one.

"Once Nikas was out of the door, I offered the doctors money. They knew who I was, so they believed me. Of course they charged me through the roof, for everything. But still, they'd patched me up real nice. It was a masterpiece, really: three kilos of synthetic tissue, an eye transplant, eleven artificial bones, titanium I think. As you can guess that's the reason why I have to take corridor C at customs, to be X-rayed."

She didn't tell Ariel how she wanted to die once she had seen herself in a mirror. She could see with her own two eyes, she could walk on her own two legs (although with much difficulty at first), that was amazing, given all the damage. The cuts, welts and burns had healed, but they left horrible scars all over her body. She looked as if she had been blown up by a grenade and then picked up piece by piece and mended back together.

"You probably want to ask why I didn't have a plastic surgery."

"I don't need to ask," he said quietly.

"It's quite obvious I had no money left at first. Or rather I had some money left, because the good doctors didn't even suspect how much gold I'd managed to tuck away, and their bills didn't empty my pockets. But the rest was for essential things, not some luxuries — I had to pay for the ticket to Ixion and for the piloting courses. After that I went to work for the Galaxia Corporation. The salary wasn't anywhere big, and I still tried to save money, to buy my own ship. Tell you the truth, the Aurora was a rental. It was love at first sight, and after that I was desperate to buy my baby out of slavery. So I went to the Outer Rim, made some useful friends, did a few shady jobs, earned some money and a reputation. Still, it had been going rather slow, and suddenly!" Her eyes sparkled. "The Quigg Contract! After I'd completed it, I returned to Bizarre. There had been something to finish up."

Ariel nodded with an understanding look. "You'd killed them."

"Every single one of them, one after another. By my own hands. It cost me a bloody fortune and took a hell-load of time, but I did it. I saved Kyrnos, the psychopath, for the end. He knew his buddies were dead, and nothing had saved them — neither titles, nor money, nor police. He knew nothing would save him either. He went totally unhinged with terror. I'm not a psychiatrist but I think he had literally gone mad. When I'd come for him, he was hardly coherent: shaking, mumbling, drooling.

"I wanted him begging for his life, as I begged them. Maybe I should have done to him everything that was done to me, step by step. It was all in my medical file, even if I didn't remember it myself. But there was no point. It would give me neither pleasure, not satisfaction. All I needed was closure, the certainty that those people had ceased to exist. So I'd simply cut off his head and sent it to Nikas in a pretty package. Him I never planned to kill, but he didn't know it. As he opened that package, he darted to the spaceport, as if being chased by the Devil himself, and never stopped running. And I went to Eldorado and for the first time in two years had slept through the night without nightmares. I hope Nikas have them instead. I hope he sees my face and wakes up screaming.

"I thought about plastic surgery. But what's the point? I couldn't have sex, couldn't be in a relationship. With women neither, I'd tried. I simply lost interest in that, any desire to try and overcome my phobia. I didn't want to be close to anyone, to trust anyone. Funny how much one could get done once he stops chasing sex partners. Sublimation, you see." She smiled wryly. "Eventually I decided, if God had done that to me I must accept."

"It was people, not God!" Ariel exclaimed hotly.

"God had let it happen," she said dismissively. "Plus, my looks turned out to be somewhat useful. First, everyone knew and remembered me, with my trade it's important. Second, no one was hitting on me. Except perverts and drunkards!" She glared at Ariel. "I'm Nelsa Thorn, and anyone who doesn't like me can go straight to hell."

"And anyone who likes you can go to hell either."

"Ari, oh please, don't you start. I've told you something I have never told anyone. Not a living soul. I can never be normal again. Nergan got it right, he told you as much: it's the scars on my heart that's the problem. And they won't heal."

"And you told me that the past should be shed off, as a snake's skin."

"Don't be a wiseass, Second Pilot. What's good at twenty, at forty won't work."

"You are not forty yet."

"All right, thirty seven, does it matter that much, or do you just want to argue with me just because? And don't look at me like that! Hell, I regret already having this conversation. You clearly haven't heard a word I said. How am I supposed to convince you?"

"Convince me of what, Captain?"

"That I am not going to sleep with you!"

"Please, convince yourself first."

"Arrogant bastard!" she said without spite, looking at his mouth and feeling the urge to kiss it. "I should lock you up on bread and water."

"On similar occasions Nergan would say, 'I'll have your ass with no lub'. Can I count on it?"

Nelsa couldn't help but burst into laughter.