Fear the Walking Dead [Nick Clark]

16. [Season 1]

Warning: I'm not in any twisted way promoting self-harm as a method to get anything we want, or to simply take some pain away. We've all had our tough days, and heartbreaks but I don't believe that by causing physical pain in ourselves it will get better. I don't think of it as a 'release' like some do. So I'm absolutely against this gruesome thing and if ever any of you guys need someone to talk to, I'm just a message away. However, I'll have to write it in this chapter because it's part of the plot, but if you guys aren't comfortable with it, go ahead and skip that. Remember, stay strong. XX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had felt weird.

Climbing up the stairs with a cold metallic object against the skin of her back, chills running up and down her body; but not just because of the coldness the object radiated throughout her skin, but because of fear and doubts, running wildly in her mind. Allison had stopped at the top, watching both Madison and Daniel through clouded eyes, for her body was before them, but her mind was elsewhere.

"I don't want you to hurt him." The blonde had said, teeth gritted, jaw set as she gave him a harsh glare, though the three of them knew very clearly that wasn't going to happen.

"Do you want your boy back? " Countered Daniel, a calm expression settling on his face. "So which is it? You don't want him hurt, or you don't wanna know? "

Allison had unconsciously walked before them in that time, catching Madison's attention. Daniel followed her gaze, turning his head slightly and glancing at Allison's slouched figure against the wall. Though Allison didn't want to admit it, she knew there was something about the way the blonde scanned her body language intensely, stealing a few glances at the old man before her, something that warned her Madison suspected something to be going on.

 And it wasn't just the slight nod Allison threw Daniel's way before walking out the house, - the man she had made very clear that she hated, that she didn't trust. No, it was the meaning of that nod, that slight movement of her head that symbolized a silent agreement between them.

And it felt even weirder now,

As she sat, eyes locked on the sharp object before her, shining proudly and waiting for her to use it. She stared at her reflexion in the mirror as she pondered if this was whether or not a good decision, eyes narrowing ever so slightly at the dark brown ones staring back at her. She shifted on the edge of the bathtub, her breaths increasing abnormally. The only way to get to the facility... The only way to get them back and maybe going out to look for her mother. Was if one got hurt.

She had never purposely harmed herself before, and it frightened her to the core what she was about to do; but Allison kept repeating silently to herself, trying to carve the words inside her head.

"This has to be done," She whispered. "This has to be done."

And before she could fall into a deep sea of wonders again, struggling to swim back to the surface for some air, she jolted forward, fingers clenching the sharp metallic object. She studied it for a second, felling its slim edges and sharp corners; then she pushed her sleeve up, collecting a huge amount of air on her lungs. She hadn't notice she was shaking until her eyes landed on her hands, which were trembling wildly, then so did her legs and the rest of her body. She was scared, frightened even, but she knew it had to be done.

"This has to be done," She mumbled again through gritted teeth, scowling inwardly at her lack of braveness.

She gripped the collar of her sweater with her teeth, biting down on the fabric in an attempt to muffle her oncoming whimpers and cries. Allison knew Madison was somewhere in the house, and she didn't want to get her attention. With a sudden and harsh movement of her hand, Allison slid the shaving knife across her wrist, immediately screaming against her arm to muffle the unwanted sound; head bent down, and tears escalating rapidly. Silent sobs were echoing around the closed bathroom, blood dripping from her arm to the sink; the red contrasting against the white.