Highland Chieftain (Book 5)

Chapter 10

AN - A little shorter than usual, but quicker than I have been for a while. SO here you go. The next chapter after this is going to be skipping a few years forward. This therefore is a moment of change for Larena, bringing her back to the character most know her as! Enjoy, Az x

Chapter 10

Larena could not breathe. How could this be? The entire time she had being thinking how she would be seen by Kendrick for what had happened. She may not have been the true cause, but it was nothing like what she would ever want to speak of again. Only this time she was beginning to see it from a different point of view. Aye, she had not fulfilled her true purpose as a woman, but she had also being feeling as if she had let Kendrick down in the most basic of ways. That he would wish to have nothing to do with her again because of this. But it seemed he wanted nothing to do with her at all now anyway. He had what he wanted from her and now she had to live with the fact she had given it to him freely. She would not be getting anything from him again.

So whilst she may never forgive herself for the actions she had taken, and the life she had never and would never know, she could not wallow forever. For what good was it when actually no one cared. Truly did not care for you in any way, even when you hoped there would be the tiniest hint of something for them to remember.

Sitting before the roaring flames, she let the heat seep inside and inflame what she felt. Letting the anger grow, melting away the ice in her bones and filling the gnawing emptiness that had bene within her for so long now. Larena had no comprehension of how long it had been, but it was time to show the clan just how much she could behave as badly as they expected of her anyway. For way should she try and be good anymore. It obviously had not worked to gain what she wanted the most, in fact she had never felt more pain than now, so it was only fitting she let them see just how much she could live up to the reputation they had given her. If you kick a dog long enough eventually it will bite back. She had never been a part of this clan, always pushed aside by all, now, when her way out was truly gone, there was only one path she could see.

Wrapping her arms around her knees, she leaned her chin upon them. Staring transfixed into the flames, she thought back on the moment her entire outlook had changed.

Still trembling from the outpouring of her story to Vika, she allowed the body warmth of her friend to seep through the outward chill she felt. It was strange, this feeling of comfort, coming from another that she never really knew cared like this before. She had allowed herself for one to let her pain lean upon someone else. It had felt so refreshing as if a weight had been lifted, until Vika had let the awful truth of the situation be known.

Vika tightened her arm around Larena's waist, showing her that she was still here in the moment with her. "Oh Larena, I am so sorry, if I had known..." Larena could hear the pain in her friend's voice. Her own voice was cracked and hoarse when she finally found it within herself to answer. "How could you have known? There was no way you could know what I have been through." There was a few sniffles behind her as Vika came closer to her, more warmth seeping between their clothing.

"I am so sorry, Larena, I did not know that all this was happening between you and Kendrick. I would never have..." Vika's voice hitched, a silent sob rocking both of them through their close contact. Larena was a little slow at picking up what Vika was actually saying, but as the words finally began to sink in she felt what cold was melting within her freeze into a solid lump. Her heart practically stuttering under the pressure she was feeling, the cold freezing her blood in her veins. Larena's words were barely a whisper. "Vika...what do you mean?" As slowly as she was processing, she was beginning to imagine what Vika was trying to say.

She held on tighter, whilst all Larena wanted to do was pace and throw of the cloying arms of her friend. "I had no idea that Kendrick would be your future husband. That he meant so much to you. I saw little of you in that time and you never said a word. I would not have done it had I known. Please believe me." Turning slowly, Larena could do nothing but stare deep into the almost flat, emotionless eyes of Vika, it was almost as if Vika was hiding the true depth of her feeling to save Larena from even more hurt. But Larena knew what she was to say would make that feeling as raw as ever, with nothing to stop it from overtaking her once more.

"Believe what, Vika?"

"I would never have accepted his advances upon me, had I known how you feel about him. If I had known that it was you who was destined to be his. I never want to be the one to hurt you Larena. But, he made me feel special, as if I was the only woman who had captured his attention." Vika could hold back the sobs no more, but Larena could not find it within herself to comfort her friend, the emotions so long gone, were fighting at once to come back in a rush. Still numb to them as they tried to rush in at once, almost as if they blocked the open crack of the doorway as it they all tried to get in at once. "I beg your forgiveness Larena. I never would have given myself to him had I known he was only looking for the same from you, and possibly others." Vika threw her face into the covers, trying to drown out her loud sobs. Except, Larena could not listen and hang on to her own sanity. Instead she fell into her own world. Not hearing when Vika mumbled more apologies as she slipped from the bed and out of the room. It was only hours later, now as she sat before the fire, that the emotions finally flooded through and she was left with a burning fire which would not be tamed.

How dare he? How could he? She had been through all she had because he could not find it within himself to choose one and stay faithful. He had not asked of her. Had not looked for her. Had not returned for her. Whilst she may feel as if she was no longer a woman of worth, she was worth enough to have been used by Kendrick in the first place. Yet he saw fit to throw her asunder now. But it was not what she would allow. She had wallowed for too long now, she would not let herself be tossed aside by man or by clan. Her own father had not seen fit to speak to her whilst she was 'ill'. None other than Vika this once and Isla had ventured neared her. None had a kind word to say of her. So why should she feel any consideration of them now? Why should she try and fight the pain when nobody else cared? Why should she sit back and allow others to pass her by with no consequence to her feelings?

No she would be invisible no more. If people did not care, she would make them care. They thought she was bad, well then...she would show them just how bad. Standing abruptly, she made her way to the door of her room, still unsure as to how long she had been within this room. Unsure as to just how long people had had to forget her existence. Erase her from their memories. Tugging the solid wood open, she could hear the sounds of evening meal below. Edging her way down the corridor, towards the stairway that was gaining more shadows by the second, as her vision seemed to turn red in her anger. How dare they celebrate when she went through such turmoil? Did they real care so very little for one of their own? Was she even considered as one of their own now?

She had spent her entire life in the shadow of her mother, whom she had never met, having died at her birth. Larena had spent years not being enough of a lady, then too much of a high born lady for the status of the clan. Never gaining the right amount of respect or fear from anyone. Never would she ever think that she could gain what she wanted. So as she finally hit the bottom step, the main hall before her, many of the clan's occupants taking this eve to eat within the centre of the clan. Laughing and jesting with each other, whilst for all they knew she was near death up above. Showing just how much they cared.

Stepping forward, she could not let her emotions stay within anymore. It was as if the anger embodied her in ways she was not in control of anymore. Taking one more step, those closest turned towards her, the shock upon their faces enough to set the flames inside her into an inferno, not even a smile of welcome. With an almighty screech, she reached for the nearest breakable item. A large mead vessel that was passing by at just the right moment for her. Snatching it from the surprised and flustered serving maid. She lunged forward with it and when she finally had the entire room's attention, smashed the entire jug upon the flag floor, with an earth shattering crash. That was the beginning of a time Larena would not be able to particularly remember clearly even years from this moment. All she wanted had been to be an accepted part of the clan. If that was not possible, she would let them know why they did not want to accept her, and keep reminding them for as long as it took.