Highland Chieftain (Book 5)

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Smoothing her hair into its braid, she made sure every hair was in place before taking her cloak from its hook by the door and tying it together as she hurried from her room. She had heard the commotion when breaking her fast in the main hall and knew that outriders had been spotted. With as much dignity as she could summon, she had paced carefully from the room whilst at the same time her stomach had bubbled within her. Kendrick was on his way. His father and hers finalising the betrothal. By the end of this visit she would have a date for her wedding, having someone to call her own for the rest of her life, and someone who had to be there for her also.

It was one of those times she wished her mother was still alive, helping her in what to say and do, how to make sure Kendrick did not think her a silly twit, but instead wanting to spend time with her. She just did not know if she could do this without some advice, but it seemed she was doomed from the start, what with her mother gone and no one else to step into her place. She definitely was not going to ask Isla for advice, she could only imagine the looks that she would receive from the woman if she did. Not that she would know what to ask her, for she was not one to ask personal advice from anyone. Even when her monthly courses had started she had been so embarrassed she had tried her hardest to hide it, when Isla had eventually discovered the stained clothing, it had been Isla who scolded her for not speaking up sooner.

So with some dignity and decorum, she stepped from the main hall out onto the steps, next to her father, overlooking the bailey. Waiting, impatiently, though outwardly still, for the sound of oncoming horses to enter through the gates and bring with them the one who she was longing to see. With rocks bouncing within her stomach she tried not to throw up the small amount of food she had managed to consume when she had broken her fast. What if he did not like her? What if he actually came here with his father to tell her father he no longer wished to continue with the contract? She started to second guess every conversation they had ever had together. What if something she had said to him had put him off in the past, and after being told of their betrothal, he wanted nothing more than to be free of her?

She felt as the colour drained from her face, hoping that the breeze, which had a biting note to it, even on this sunny day, could bring a rosy note to her cheeks. Otherwise, she doubted she would make any sort of good impression, especially as she was playing hostess this day, as Isla had said 'the only way to make sure you know everything, is to try it.' But the old woman hovered nearby, making sure that if anything did go wrong, she could scold Larena for it before helping. Larena knew that the scolding would be harsh, for there was no other type of lecture or speech she had from Isla, so why should she expect anything different in front of the guests. She was the disappointment and therefore she was the one that had to suffer the embarrassment of her failures. It was part of the reason she threw such tantrums, while she knew it was wrong, at least she was living up to the reputation that seemed to precede her now. At least no one expected too much of her, if she was to disappoint she may as well do it with aplomb. But now, she wondered if in fact playing up to such a reputation would not harm her right now. For why would Kendrick wish to lumber himself with one such as her? No, she had to show him now that she was not so bad.

She just hoped that he would at least give her that chance to show him that she could be different. But that little voice in the back of her mind spoke once more, whispering into her mind that she would never be good enough for one such as Kendrick, if anything he would only take pity upon her, nothing he said to her would be real. In fact all the kind words he had, were surely because he had been brought up the 'correct way' as Isla would call it. Shaking her head a little to clear it of the dark thoughts, she tried to rationalise them, for even if he was just saying things to her to show respect, she could at least show him over time that she was a good choice, even if it took some time in order to do so. For when they married they would have nothing but time, at least then she can show him how very good she can be, in a new place, with people who may have heard of her reputation but may not yet believe it. She could try to change their minds...could she not?