I'm not suicidal. (my story with cutting, depression, and other stuff)

scenario 1- shouldnt of told // (fiction!!)

I gathered all my courage and stepped out of the bathroom stall. I took a deep breath and stared at myslelf in the mirror for a few seconds. ugly, ugly, ugly, I thought. I was so ugly. I still am. acne scarring sprinkled across my cheeks along with new zits forming on my forehead and nose. my dirty blond hair hung from my scalp and sat on my shoulders in an unflattering way. ugly , ugly , ugly, I thought. I opened the bathroom door and headed towards the 8th grade locker bay. I was going to tell her today. I stepped up to her locker, locker number 256, and our eyes met.

"hey," she said.

"hi." I said, shyly putting my hands in my sweatshirt pockets. my arms ached from the night before but I ignored it. visions of the previous night filled my mind like a flashback. blood pouring out from my arms, hair scissors falling to the concrete floor of the shower, crying, screaming, hurting.

"are you okay?" she examined my face, snapping me out of my thoughts. I shook my head.

"I need to tell you something, " I explained, pulling her off to the side of the hallway. students walked passed us, going home, and soon we were alone in the hall. I looked around to make sure there was no teachers. "you can't tell anyone. at all. "

a scared expression crossed over her face but was gone in an instant. "okay." she replied simply.

"I um," I rolled up my sleeve.

I heard a faint gasp. "what- what are- What did you do?? how could you- explain!"

I motioned for her to be quieter and pulled my sleeve back down. " I cut myself. " she looked up at me. "but not any more. " I said quickly. a lie, but I didn't want her to say anything so I spoke quickly. "you can't tell anyone, okay?" without seeing her response, I plugged my earbuds in and soon the song Fall Away by twentyone pilots filled my ears and head, and for a few minutes everything was all right.

***

I pushed open my front door and stepped inside. "hello?" I said. I heard shuffling in the room at the end of the hallway so I headed into the kitchen. both my parents ran up to me and hugged me. wait, both? why were both my parents home? what the hell?

"are you okay?" my mom asked worriedly.

no. no. not that look. that look of pity, confusion, and disappointment appeared upon both my parents faces. no. I couldn't stand this.

"who told you?" I demanded.

"its true?" my dad exclaimed. he grabbed my wrist and pulled back my sleeves. I quickly pulled back .

"what the hell?" I screamed.

my parents both stepped back, scared. tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't know what to do. I ran upstairs , flung open my door, and slammed it behind me. my life was over.