Hi guys. Just gonna right down whatever. I'm just so sad and I'm gonna start crying and I don't know why I feel like this. I'm just literally so sad. And I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I'm not good enough for my girlfriend it for my friends or for my family. I just can't help but think about how much of a better life they would all have without me. I truly do believe they would be much happier without me. And just gosh. I don't even have a reason to be thinking this. I just- I don't even now but like I'm listening 'hey there Delilah' and it just makes me even sadder but I can't stop myself and I can't do anything like watch a movie cause I go go bed in less then an hour and ugh. I don't want to sound like an attention whore. That's probaly one of my biggest fears is that I'll be an attention whore and I would truly hate that. I used to talk to this one friend a lot and we could always vent to each other but a lot of times I was to scared to vent cause I didn't want to be an attention whore though that person probaly thinks so. But we don't even talk anymore so it doesn't really matter I guess. But like I said I'm just sad and just really kinda depressed and I kinda feel like cutting but I'm not gonna. Not tonight. Not today. I just can't even find the energy to move myself from my bed. And then tomorrow I have to run a mile and I don't think I can but I really need to be skinny and that will help and oh gosh. I have to start eating smaller things. I have to last year I got down to 115 now I'm all up in the 130 and just ugh. I don't need that. And I don't care what anyone says. The last time I was at that weigh last year I cried and just ugh. I don't even want to include that last part. But this story if for me so just yeah.
Xx victor
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