"What is that thing?", Mildred and The Mishaps stammered as the group gazed outside the rocket ship windows.
"A mistake", Taylor murmured very seriously.
"When did you come back?", Karlie asked.
"Like, a little bit before the last chapter ended"
"But-"
"You didn't see me.."
Karlie did not question any further and continued to stare in horror as Giant Iggy Azalea rose from the planets crust.
"Yooooo yo yo YO, this is some crazy shit right HERE, yo!", said Kanyé in a super loud voice, wearing sunglasses inside the rocket ship for some reason. "And in case you didn't realise by now - in the year 2020, I am running for president"
"Literally nobody was realising that", said Lady Gaga "But I am so glad that you are chasing your dreams. Also, LOOK AT MY GOLDEN GLOBE"
"Yeah yeah, does anybody know where North is? I haven't seen her in, like, days", said Kim as she searched people's coat pockets for loose change.
"SOMEONE DRIVE!", Taylor yelled, refusing to take her eyes off of the terrifying sight before her.
"I'm on it!", said Blue Ivy, who appeared all of a sudden.
The rocket burst into life and began rising into the air. It flew away from Giant Iggy but only to run out of fuel and float around in the endless abyss of space.
"Oh, hell no", said Kylie. "I don't wanna die out here with three Afghan hounds, Taylor Swift, a neck, and death incarnate"
"Hey ", said Ellie Goulding.
"I was talking about Kendall"
"You shut the fuck up!", said Kendall.
The group began to argue with each other. Fists flew, hair was pulled, and some very rude things were said that made The Cute One cry so The Blonde One had to beat up a few people and it was epic.
"Everybody shut up!", screamed Taylor. The group shut up and stared. She continued, "The rocket is being pulled by something"
Everyone looked outside the window. Yes, the rocket was indeed being pulled by something. They were slowly moving towards a giant silver planet. As the rocket landed and the team exited, it was revealed that a yellow taxi cab had been pulling them along. A man dressed in white got out of the taxi cab and he wasn't wearing a helmet or anything. It was really weird.
"Hi! I'm Buddy, and you're watching Cake Boss™", said the man.
"Holy shit, I love that show! Drink every time somebody says we've never done something like this before", exclaimed Lady Gaga.
"What the happ is fuckening?", said Taylor.
"Buddy from Cake Boss™ is in space", said The Cute One, who was all wrapped up in a lil blanket because those things that were said back in the rocket were really mean and she was still recovering.
Taylor's C.Cam. "T-Cat"
"I was really confused when Buddy from Cake Boss™ showed up. Like, he wasn't even wearing a helmet or anything. And his licence plate said Coke-4-Lyfe but I think it was meant to say Cake-4-Lyfe. I've so many questions. Like-
(Off screen) "Is it my turn?"
"No, Karlie! Shut the fuck up!"
(Still off screen) "You bitch, I know you were sucking Calvin's dick when The Kardashians showed up!"
"Oh my God-" *Screen goes to picture of a little cat hanging from a branch with the caption Hang In There, Baby! underneath it*
"Buddy, what are you doing here?", asked The Cool One.
"I'm Cake Boss™", said Buddy.
"Okay, Cake Boss™, what are you doing here?", asked The Cool One again.
"I'm here to help you guys get the Eyeliner of Immortality back from Cat Stevens"
"You mean Lorde?", said Lady Gaga.
"Same thing", said Cake Boss™. "Anyways, I know where she is so hop into the Cake Cab™ and let's go!"
So the whole entire group of celebrities somehow managed to squeeze inside of the Cake Cab™ and Cake Boss™ blasted them all of into space again. This time they approached a huge black planet and there was grey smoke all around it and grungy tumblr symbols, you know the ones: 🕸⭐️🌑☠🔮. They all emerged from the taxi and Buddy led them to a large silver gate. At the gate was a woman and she was dressed in a long, elegant gown that flowed over her toes. She had dark brown hair and her lips were in a constant pout. A flower crown of black and red roses sat upon her head. She seemed to be breathing from her mouth and there was just a little bit of drool hanging from her lower lip.
"I'm Lana Del Rey", said Lana Del Rey.
Taylor squinted and leaned towards her face, "Are you... dead?"
"No", said Lana, "It's just my face".
"Did she just orgasm?", asked Kylie.
"Lana is the keeper of Lorde's gate. She will let us in if we can answer a riddle", said Cake Boss™.
"Okay, here goes", moaned Lana. "What's racist, mentally challenged, and red all over".
Karlie thought for a long moment and then said "Donald Trump?"
"Yeah, go on in", said Lana and opened the gates for everybody.
Everybody entered through the gates to the black planet. Suddenly, a little eight year old walked up to them and said "Hi, I'm Selena and I'll be your guide today".
"Are you like, five or something?", asked Karlie.
"I'm twenty three", said Selena.
"Oh, dayum", said Karlie.
"Yeah, I get that a lot. Come, I will show you to Lorde's mansion. So Selena showed everybody to the house of the Lorde. It was huge. And I'm not talking White House huge, I'm talking seven Empire State Buildings huge.
"The wifi must be terrible", whispered The Blond One. And everyone nodded in agreement.
"Move along quickly, please, she's expecting you", said Selena and hurried the group inside.
The mansion was completely covered in red velvet on the inside. Karlie wondered how nobody had spilled anything or stained anything yet. This was really really impressive. Selena led them through the halls, passed a yoga room, a swimming pool, a library, some "play rooms" (cuz Lorde is a fucking nasty ass Scorpio), a sauna, a gym, a game room, an indoor garden, a massive kitchen, a roller rink, another "play room" (fuckin Scorpio), a lounge, and finally the secret lair.
Inside was a chair. And it turned around. "Hello, darlings... I've been expecting you".
