Everybody gasps in surprise. The person in the chair is...
"RU PAUL?!" Taylor screams. "IM GONNA SHIT MYSELF."
Everybody began to freak out because Ru Paul is honestly a god??? He sat as if the swivel chair were his throne in a long red dress, which tightly hugged his supple curves like a condom to Lady Gaga's dick.
"Oh, hey!" said Lady Gaga. "That joke is a million years old!"
This is true and I apologise.
"It's all right, we all make mistakes. And it's from these mistakes that we learn and grow as people and become super stars!"
"Speaking of super stars," said Ru Paul standing up dramatically, "It's episode 42,069 of Ru Paaaul's Drag Race! In this weeks episode our contestants will be designing and modelling their own dresses, throwing shade like it's no lady's business!!! This has absolutely zero to do with the plot of this fucked up story because the author has dipped into a surge of depression and doesn't fucking care about anything right now!!!!!"
"............... Oh," said Ellie Goulding.
"Woah, I can hear you! You don't need a frequency stabiliser anymore," Karlie said.
"Yeah, I don't know how that happened haha."
"All right, folks! Your dress design time starts...NOW!" said Ru Paul. He then disappeared in a puff of red smoke and glitter and cum.
"What a dream," sighed Taylor Swift, completely awestruck. "If you fuckers think you're going to win this competition, you're fucking wrong!"
"Oh yeah?" said Lady Gaga, "You're looking at the grand high empress of fashion, darling."
"Everybody, shut the up fuck," interrupted Marigold and The Miranda Cosgroves. "Have you SEEN my Froot photoshoot? Not only am I fashionable but I'm also...uh...I can model with fruit!"
"Men can model too!" yelled Harry.
"Calvin Harris!" agreed Calvin Harris.
"Wot dis bloke righ' 'ere said," nodded Zayn(e)? (I still don't know how to spell his name, edit later).
The quarrelling seemed like it would never end. Even as the group worked on their dresses, they argued and spat at each other like Iggy Azalea trying to freestyle with no tongue. Or just trying to freestyle in general.
"Everybody step aside," came a female voice. No, it was many female voices. In a cloud of bright pink smoke emerged a...I don't really know what it was.
"What the fuck," said Taylor, eyeing up the thing.
It was a girl but she had another girl on her shoulders, and another girl on her shoulders, and so on and so on. "We're Fifth Harmony," said the girl on the bottom, speaking into a microphone for some reason.
"Uh...okay," said Taylor.
"Were gonna make a better dress than all of the dresses at the end of this thing combined!"
"OH YEAH?" screamed everyone in unison.
"YEAH," said Fifth Harmony.
"Which one of you is the fifth harmony?" asked Karlie.
"Nobody really knows," said the girl on the bottom. "My name's Lauren though."
"Cool."
The dress designing continued. Ribbon flew about everywhere. Sia was doing a weird dance about it too, complete with Maddie Ziegler from Dance Moms™. It was actually pretty lit when you looked at it from afar. Kind of like Crique Du Salami or whatever.
"Ladies and Lads," announced Ru Paul, emerging from the egg of a phoenix, "You have one minute left!"
"Well fuck me with a stick of butter," said Paula Deen, one of the judges. "This looks like it's gonna be a slippery competition."
"Oh, don't I know it!" said the incredibly delightful EMMA WATSON.
"I thought I was the charming English one :(" said Ellie Goulding.
"Oh don't worry, you are," said EMMA WATSON. "But I'm the alpha."
"Aw :(" said Ellie Goulding, who was now plotting to legit murder EMMA WATSON in cold blood. Her family would watch her die. Yes, that'd be perfect. In fact, Ellie would make it look like it was all their fault. She'd make it look like they were responsible for the savage death of their own kin but no. It would be Ellie's doing. Emma's blood would coat their hands in thick sticky regret. The full moon making it shine and shimmer like angels tears. Ellie Goulding would reign once again as the most charming and the most English. She would show Emma. She'd show everyone.
"You do realise you've said all of that out loud," said EMMA WATSON.
"Oh, Wups..." said Ellie Goulding. She then took out a gun and shot EMMA WATSON in the face.
"I'm immortal, I can't die," said EMMA WATSON, tiredly.
"Oh, cheese and biscuits!" said Ellie.
"Your time is up! It's time to run that cat walk!" announced Ru Paul as he sat down on a throne to judge. "The winner...gets to suck my dick!"
"AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Taylor. "I JUST SHIT MYSELF!"
The group modelled their dresses. Taylor designed a dress made of cat hair. Lady Gaga had one made of pure gold and couldn't walk in it for shit lol. Harry Styles had one made of girly magazines. Ellie Goulding had one made of EMMA WATSON's blood. Calvin Harris made one that was— actually quite nice, it was made of a pretty blue floral pattern and everything. Oh it was lovely. Fifth Harmony made one out of paper clips. Karlie Kloss made a dress out of flour and honey, I don't even know how that's possible. Mipple In The Marmalade made one out of pineapple skins. Haim didn't show up for some reason, they sort of just ate at the snack table that was supposed to be for Ru Paul but he didn't mind.
"The winner.....is....." said Ru, "...........EMMA WATSON"
"FUCK!" Taylor screamed and ran off crying.
"I didn't even make a dress!" said EMMA WATSON with a huge smile on her face.
This time it was certain. Ellie Goulding was going to kill this sorry excuse of a charming English woman if it was the last thing she did. Jealousy coursed through her pip-pip-cheerio filled veins.
This was where the real competition began.
