“Uh…” She nervously stammered, “Well…” She couldn’t spit it out. Maybe it was because she was scared that if she told him the truth, and the whole truth, he would leave and never come back. And even with barely knowing him, she knew that it would be a sad moment when her phone would never ring from this boy who sat in front of her, or the awkward run in’s when she would see him after December. How could she tell him everything, without risking everything?
“I have this…condition…”
Will froze, thinking the worst. His mind immediately went to cancer, which was something that he wasn’t quite sure he could deal with. If she was going to die, then why get so attached so soon?
“It’s called ‘temporomandibular joint disorder’ or TMJ for short. Many people have this; it can be a simple click in your jaw joint, or some major damage,”
“So what is it?” Will said his mind on high alert. He didn’t know what he was stepping into, and now he was regretting getting into this with her.
She felt his immediate defense, and she felt her shoulders fall. She knew this was going to happen, and she cursed herself for letting this even get this far. Stupid mistake.
“It’s a joint problem, the one right here—“She leaned forward and touched the skin right next to his ear. William immediately felt his body temperature spike and his heartbeat begin to race. His hands got clammy and sweaty, and all he could focus on was the soft fingertips that gently touched the area where she was suffering.
“Mine is deformed, so when I open my mouth,” She gently nudged his chin with her other hand, making Will open and close his mouth quickly, “it clicks and pops. Do you feel the little thing that moves back and forth as you do that?”
Will focused on his movements, trying to pin-point the defined actions of his joints. He did feel them move, but nothing out of the ordinary. There was no cracking or popping, but he did feel something move.
“Yeah, I do feel it,” Will answer as he looked up into her innocent eyes. He could see a little bit of fear trickling in, but he was intrigued by her look. What was it that made her so afraid?
“Well, my discs that are on the left side are being smashed because my jaw is overgrowing to the right, making the space between my joint and the base of my skull very crammed with barely any. My face is shifted to the right, a lot…” Her voice faded.
Will looked back at her, trying to see this ‘shifting’ to the right. He couldn’t see it, no matter how much he analyzed her face. There was no deviation, no crooked-ness like she was explaining. Just her face, which the more he looked at, the more he felt that pulling sensation toward her. He just wanted to reach out and put his hand on her cheek, but stopped himself with a little voice in the back of his head warning him.
There’s something wrong with her, he thought, and if it’s major, I don’t think I want to tie myself down to that! But as he thought this, something tugged at him. A more noble side began to nag, but it was so quiet at the moment that he could barely hear it over his blaring, fearful side.
“Anyways,” She continued, a bit redder after having Will stare at her with a bit of a glitter in his eye, “There’s also a lot of internal damage from some smacks in the face from marching band, so the joints are extremely damaged. But I also have a lot of muscle spasms and ‘flare-ups’, as I call them. They kind of destroy my face a little…” She stopped, looking completely away from Will.
“How much pain are you actually in? Is it constant?” Will surprised himself as the question rolled off his tongue without him even noticing. He kept his eyes on her as she seemed to smile at the fact that he was asking. It was as if he was beginning to care more than just a friend. She thought he was, but dismissed it. Will knew he was, and began to quiver in his seat.
