As Will began to drive home, all of his paranoia began to flood his mind, drowning out all positive thoughts of her. All he could imagine was the image from Saw, the huge metal trap encasing her face. The horror of the picture of what she would have to endure made him shutter.
Who would want to look at that for months?!
His less noble side coughed.
It would be an ugly sight!
Her weak, pale face popped up in front of him, plunging black circles around her tired, dull eyes. She smiled pitifully at him, her face beginning to crumble like dust.
Poor thing.
He felt a wave of compassion hit him, making him feel for her. His heart ached to reach out and comfort her, but his mind immediately stomped it down.
This battle raged on inside him, making Will’s mind race with anxiety.
What to do, what to do.
There was nothing Will could do about the fact that she was getting major surgery—the date was set. What he could control was if he got himself caught up into this unavoidable catastrophe.
You want to be with her, right?
He paused for a moment, focusing extremely hard on the sound of the road, the clicking of his turn signals.
Yes. His mind finally admitted. There was nothing he could do to deny the fact that his heart ached to hold her. And it wasn’t just to wrap his arms around her, but to get to know her. He wanted to learn every facet of her expression, know every corner of her personality. He just needed her.
Why am I feeling like this?!
His mind raced, trying to figure out a way out. There seemed like there was no real way out.
But there is.
He paused, a mean, devilish plan beginning to brew in his mind. All he had to do is act like he didn’t care, and then she would believe he didn’t and he’d be off the hook. Bam—done. She would be devastated, hurt and shut down, which would make her leave him alone, right?
Flawless plan. He felt his chest swelled with pride at such a well-put-together plan. Perfection.
She, on the other hand, stumbled back into her house in shock. Her lips still tingled from where his touched hers. She brought her hand up to her face, her fingertips lightly brushing across her mouth in awe.
He kissed me.
He kissed my lips.
He touched my face.
My crooked, achy, deformed face.
She felt a huge wave of excitement hit her as she giggled uncontrollably.
“What are you laughing at?” Her mother asked her suspiciously, sitting on the couch with a book in her lap..
“Oh my God Mom,” She said breathlessly, “You would never believe what just happened.”
“I’m assuming your date went really well?” Her mother said with a worried smile.
“Ooooh, yeah,” She sighed, “He kissed me.”
“He what?!” Her mother’s mouth dropped as she took her reading glasses off in shock.
“He kissed me!”
Her mother stopped, looking away from her so she couldn’t read her mother’s expression.
“What?” She said as she smiled animatedly, “That’s awesome!”
“Honey,” Her mother’s voice dropped, ready to comfort, “Are you sure that’s really fair to him?”
“What…what do you mean?”
“Well, sweetheart, you’re getting major surgery in a few months…”
“Yeah,” She said, feeling her defenses go up, “I know that.”
“Are you sure it’s the best idea to get involved with someone so close to the date?”
“Mom, I told him about it, and he seemed okay.” She stated.
“Well, how did he act when he left?”
She paused, reliving the last 15 minutes in her mind.
“Uh, he seemed to try to leave fairly quickly, but then he came back and…well, he kissed me.”
“Good sign,” Her mother replied. She suddenly felt a rush of anger hit her, flaring in the pit of her stomach.
“You know, it’s not that unrealistic for someone to possibly care about me,” She snipped, “Even with my condition.”
“Honey, I never said that—”
“And know knows, maybe he could care about me. You never know. He could fall in love, right? I mean, that’s not such a hard concept I mean, why not? Just because my face is crooked doesn’t that-that I’m not a lovable person. Just-just,”
“Hey, hey,” Her mother got up from the couch, wrapping her arms around her daughter before she could realize she was crying, “Ssshh, it’s okay.”
“I just-just don’t w-want t-this to be-be ruined by my-my stupid f-face.”
“It won’t be sweetheart, it won’t” Her mother cradled her in her arms as she cried, letting out all the fears that had built up over the course of the evening. Her tears were heavy as they streamed down her face. There was nothing she could do to make them stop.
“Hey, ssshhhhh…..” Her mother wiped her daughter’s eyes, “It’s okay. Aw honey, you’re lovable. I love you. Your dad loves you. Aaw, it’s okay, ssshhhh….”
Her mother caressed her daughter’s face gently as the tears continued.
“I-I know b-but how d-do you know you’ll love m-me when m-my face i-is wired shut. I want t-to be loved…”
It finally slammed into her hard, square in the face at that moment, what she had been surpressing since she got the news.
“I don’t want to get this done!” She cried out, “I don’t know if it’ll work and-and I don’t want t-to starve w-with a mouth full of-of metal. I don’t want t-to get my face cut open. I just want to be PAIN FREE!”
She cried harder, burying her face into her mother’s shoulder. She let her fears out, her tears full of her pain. Her face throbbed in an agonizing ache as her cheeks flushed with heated emotion.
Her mom too her back over to the couch as she wept, holding her in her arms.
“I was waiting for this,” Her mother comforted her, “You’ve been so strong for so long, but sometimes you gotta cry. It’s okay sweetheart, ssssshhhh…..”
There was no use of stopping the tears. As she cried, she thought about her evening with Will and how it had played out. How magical it was, how perfect the kiss was. There was a slight possibility that he wanted to be there for her. But her fear told her otherwise, which made her quiver in fright.
“I’m scared.” She whispered as her mom brushed through her hair as her head laid in her lap.
“I know you are sweetheart,” Her mom sighed, “I am too. But we just have to see how it goes. Take it one day at a time.”
One day at a time. She thought about it, thought about Will.
One day at a time….
