stained (phan) || book #1

twelve

fanart by @the-trash-lord

P H I L ' S P O V

"I think I'm falling in love with you," Dan had said. What do I say? What do I do?

Is he even awake or just talking in his sleep?

Wait- I don't even know how I feel. I mean sure I think I like him, but this would be so dangerous if I fell in love with him. I'm supposed to be his murderer, not his lover.

Besides, if Bryony or Wirrow ever found out, they'd kill Dan, just like they did with him.

Oh god. Him. I remember us. But this isn't the time to be thinking about this right now, not when Dan just confessed his feelings for me.

But I did another stupid thing, and pretended as if I was asleep, saying nothing.

I think I'm falling in love with you too, Dan. But I never said it.

The next morning I woke up in the same position, food now placed on his nightstand from his parents and a note. I reached over cautiously and picked up the note, reading it.

you guys just looked so cute sleeping, i had to take a picture!! we'll come back later when you two are awake

xx - mum

Attached was a Polaroid photo of us, Dan on my chest snuggled against me with my arms around him, my head leaning on his. I smiled. I felt Dan shift and a small groan escaped his lips as he opened his eyes groggily, looking up at me.

"Morning," he spoke, his morning voice raspy and deep. I pushed a strand of hair from his face.

"Hey there," I chuckled.

"What's that?" Dan asked. I handed him the note and photo, watching as his lips curled into a grin once he saw the photo of us. "You can keep it. I have your sweatshirt to keep, anyway."

"Really?" He nodded. I smiled at him and tucked it in my pocket, but my smile faded when I remembered what I had to tell him. "I have to tell you something."

Dan sat up, his eyebrows furrowed. "What is it?" He questioned. I sat up too, my knees to my chest and Dan sitting criss-crossed.

"A long time ago I met a boy," I began. "His name was Ryan. A cliché love story fell upon my timeline, and I was crazy for him. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first time, and my first love. We dated for a few years. One night we were talking outside and all the sudden these people in hoodies came up to us, asking for our money and clothes. We refused and I tried to save him, but they. . ." I trailed off.

Dan put his hand on my shoulder. "Phil. . ." he sighed.

"T-they killed him, Dan. Right in front of me. They picked him up and I screamed as loud as I could, pleading for them not to. Ryan looked at me with the saddest look in his eyes, and then they shot him. Right in the head. He just fell over and I broke down crying, and then I was knocked out and woke up near a river without my phone and wallet."

Dan hugged me tightly and I cried on him, and as soon as I closed my eyes the memories appeared.

Ryan giggled, pecking my lips sweetly. I smiled against his mouth, and we leaned over with his mouth on mine.

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, my mouth still against his. "I love you," he whispered against me. I nodded.

"I l-"

"There you are!"

Ryan and I jumped away, looking up. Wirrow and Bryony stood in front of me in black hoodies, Bryony with a butcher knife and Wirrow with a rifle. Oh god.

"P-Phil, who are they?" Ryan whined, climbing to hide behind me, his voice shaky. We stood up and I stepped in front of him, glaring at the people in front of me.

"Nobody," I snapped.

"Ouch. That hurt me. Truly. We warned you, Phil. You were too busy getting caught up in your lover that you didn't have enough time to have a little fun-"

"That type of stuff isn't fun!" I shouted, cutting Wirrow off.

"What type of stuff?" Ryan asked.

"Honey, hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend's a killer."

"Shut up!" I cried.

"Why? It's the truth. Don't you want him to know?"

Ryan let go of me, stepping back in fear, his hands trembling as tears streamed down his face. "You. . ."

"Ryan, baby, please-"

"It's too late, Phil. He's already dead."

"What-"

Bryony cut me off, rushing over to Ryan within seconds and grabbing him in a chokehold. He gasped, struggling to out of her grasp. I ran over but Wirrow tripped me and I landed in the dirt, his foot holding me down.

"Next time don't let love get in the way," Wirrow growled at me. I let out a blood-curdling shriek once I heard his safety turn off, and he raised the gun.

"Phil, please don't let them kill me! I don't wanna die! Please. . . I won't tell anybody! I love him-"

He was interrupted when a gunshot rang out and my jaw fell open as I watched the bullet zoom through the air, landing in his forehead. His eyes that were once fixed on me shut, and his body dropped to the ground once Bryony let go. I began sobbing.

"Fuck you!" I shrieked, climbing over to my boyfriend's dead body and setting him on my lap. "I hate you! I hate you, Wirrow! Go to hell!"

Wirrow only chuckled. "Oh please, Phil. I'm already there."

And then the two left, leaving me with Ryan's blood seeping onto my jeans while I cried myself to sleep in the lonely forest.

"I'm so sorry," Dan told me.

I looked away from him.

"Me too."