stained (phan) || book #1

fifteen

(art by vividc_art on twitter)

P H I L ' S P O V

After support group that night Dan stayed at my house, and we had watched a few movies.

Right now, Dan was asleep on my chest and my arms were around him. We were on the couch wrapped in blankets, the lights now off as well as the TV.

I was half asleep when my phone began to vibrate in my jeans, and so carefully I climbed from Dan's grasp and locked myself in my bathroom.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

I groaned. "Bryony, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Dan's still alive because of you. He should've been dead two weeks ago. You were supposed to kill him immediately, so why didn't you?"

I bit my lip, thinking of an excuse. "I have to lead him on first. He'll start to trust me- that's when I'll get him."

"Yeah well, you've been leading him on for a few months now. This is bullshit. I've been patient, Phil, but I'm done saying nothing. Wirrow says you've got until this weekend, or else we'll kill him for you."

"But that's in three days!" I screeched. "That's not enough time!"

"You've had more than enough time. Just get the job done," she snapped, then hung up. I exhaled, slamming my phone down on the counter and looking in the mirror.

My hair was messy, but the bags under my eyes had disappeared. The bruises and scratches were beginning to fade, and this was all because of Dan.

I washed my face in the sink, drying my face off with a towel. I removed the towel and screamed when there was someone behind me.

Dan's eyes widened. "Sorry, did I scare you?"

"Yes!" I cried, still hugging myself. "Why are you awake?"

He shrugged. "I woke up and you weren't there, so I looked for you and here you are," Dan explained, eyeing me. "You okay?"

I sighed, rubbing my face tiredly. "I've been better," I mumbled.

Dan frowned slightly, trudging over in his knee socks, light blue t-shirt and black boxers, taking both my hands. He leaned on his tippy-toes, pressing a kiss to my head.

Then, he me out of the bathroom and back to the bed. We climbed in and I snuggled against him.

He kissed the top of my head before speaking up. "What is it?"

"Just stress. Overthinking too."

"I can relate. But hey, don't think about it too much, okay? Talk to me if you need a distraction."

I nodded and we sat up as I climbed onto his lap, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him softly. "I love you."

Dan pulled away, looking down. "Phil, what is this we're doing? I mean, we kiss and hold hands and say 'I love you', so what are we?"

I lifted his chin up, our eyes locking. "What do you want to be?"

"I wanna be with you, but I feel like you don't want that."

His eyes dropped from mine and my smile faltered. "Dan, don't say that. I love you, and I want to be with you. I'm just not good for you, and I can't explain why."

"But I don't care if you're good or bad for me. I want this- I've always wanted this. You can't change my mind."

"Dan-"

"When you walked into support group, I'm not going to lie- you looked intimidating as hell. The piercings and tattoos. . . you scared me. But at the same time you intrigued me. I wanted to know why you looked the way you did. When you got your first tattoo. Who your first love was. I wanted to know you."

"You should be afraid of me, not interested in me."

He shook his head. "I am. I'm terrified of you. I'm terrified of us. But that's the beauty of it all, isn't it? Fear and love mixed into one. You're scared of me too, Phil."

I smirked. "I'm not scared of you. I'm not scared of anything."

He raised an eyebrow and smiled cockily, beginning to kiss at my jawline. "Nothing at all?"

I squeezed my eyes shut.

I'm afraid of losing you.

"No," I lied.

Dan pulled away, holding my face in his small hands. "Well, I'm afraid of lots of things. The dark. The supernatural. Robbers, killers, rapists- I'm afraid of everybody. But I don't mind being afraid of you, Phil Lester," then he pressed his mouth to mine, our lips parting and locking on each other's. "I just want you to be mine."

I stiffened when he snaked his hand under my shirt, tracing my hip. "I-I'm yours."

"Are you sure?" He murmured against my skin, his mouth trailing from my jawline and neck.

"Yes. I'm yours, Dan. And you're mine." My target, my mind scoffed. I brushed away the thought.

After kissing for awhile we were laying down again while he raked his fingers through my hair.

"Phil, can I ask you something?" Dan whispered.

Did you kill Mason? You know I hate you, right? Are you a killer? Do you really think I'm that stupid to not know that you're a murderer? How many people have you killed?

"Y-yeah," I replied shakily.

"Would you wanna meet my parents?"

I sat up, my eyes widening.

"What?" I sputtered.

He sat up too, a small smile on his face. "You heard me. Tomorrow night. They'd love to meet you. Please? It'd mean a lot."

I gulped. "Alright, fine. Tomorrow night it is."

His grin grew and he hugged me tightly. "They'll love you!"

He began to pull the covers back up over himself and I looked down. "Yeah, not when they find out what I did," I murmured to myself. Dan turned and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Did you say something?"

I forced a smile, laughing on the inside.

"No. No, nothing at all."