This Love

Chapter Thirty-Four- Peaceful Cages and Hot Professors

Chapter Thirty-Four- Peaceful Cages and Hot Professors

My room depicted a clean, fresh ambiance. The natural light, contrasting textures and pop of colors made it relaxing. I had fresh flowers on one of my bedside tables and a simple lamp on the other. I kept the light, clean color of my beddings and curtains for a neat look. A soft plush rug was the first thing my feet meet every time I stood from the bed. Imagining myself sleeping under weightless clouds and abundant feather-like pillows can already make me feel comfort.

My new bedroom became my peaceful paradise.

And my cage for the past weeks.

I locked myself in my room and headed out only when necessary. I wanted to be alone. I want to take it all in. I guessed the few days after the break-up became a shock so I felt nothing. Now was a different story. My brain has processed everything.

I lost him forever.

Everything just hit me. I was no longer numb. I can already feel depression consuming my being. It still hurts and it gets worse every day. The thought of him made my heart clench every time.

I was in for a ride on a roller coaster of emotions. I was angry at him one minute then lonely and missing him the next. I re-read all our text conversations too many times. Then I'd feel bitter and I'd press that small trash bin but quickly chooses 'No'. I did the same with the pictures we took together. From that bowling afternoon to our midnight picnic. I'd stare at the photos for minutes then dump my phone on the bed.

"Broke the engagement my ass!" I muttered to myself angrily. I just watched an interview with Cassandra Mortel about the wedding preparations which as it turned out, was going well. I don't know why I was torturing myself. To make me feel worse, I Googled her. I read her entire Wikipedia page. Can you believe that? She has her own Wiki page.
There was a part of me that wanted to see him. Then I'd regret missing him. Sometimes I'd ask myself if he was also thinking about me. If he misses me as much as I missed him. Or did I hurt him too much and he decided to give up? I gave up first, why shouldn't he?

I've known him as someone who can be annoyingly persistent. But after our last encounter, he never reached out again. No call, mesaages and packages. He said he wanted me back. Maybe he doesn't want to anymore. Maybe he was done.

Too much. Everything was just too much. I felt like exploding every time I remember him.

Oh, Madi. What did you expect? To forget him overnight?

My window seat wasn't only my reading nook, it became my crying corner. I'd watched the rain pour down and tears would ran down my cheeks. All our memories together just flashed in my head like it was yesterday. The laughs, banters and stories just kept coming back. All those hugs and kisses painfully seemed like yesterday.

I was sitting by my crying corner when I spotted the package that he used to lure me back to the boarding house. I glared at it and scrambled out of my seat to throw that despicable box in the bin. Right after dumping the box, I picked it up and ripped off the wrapper with too much force. A white box was inside which I hastily opened. A small card dropped on the floor.

Good luck on you first day!

M.M.

My heart tightened as I read the card. The letters were handwritten. His handwriting. I took out the thin yellow paper hiding a pair of black heels on top of a leather messenger bag.

It was a back-to-school present. The gesture was so him. He knew what I needed even before I needed it. The bag and shoes were perfectly useful to me when I'd have my internship. I never mentioned I needed these things. But because he was who he was, he knew it.