aesthetic // (poetry)

a mess ;

you're back.
you are part of my
life once more,
and i'm
afraid.
i don't want to
get attached to you
again, because i know
you are temporary.
i'm disposable to you.
the words you speak
are falsehood,
uttered only
to bring me back to you,
but i won't go back.
not entirely.
because i can't
trust you the way that i have.
my secrets are no longer
yours to know.
i don't ever
know where i
stand with you,
how you truly feel
about me.
i know that i mean
something to you,
for you always come
back to me.
but i don't know
how much,
or for how long.
but i'm glad you're here.
i miss you
when you're gone.
and i'm terrified of you
going again,
for i do not think
that i can live
without you.
my feelings are
a mess of color,
emotion splattered on
emotion in a
terrible way,
a painting that no one
would ever buy.
it hurts to love you.
but i don't
know how to
stop.