Saving My Hope

Chapter 3-Blindness

( 4 weeks later )

My alarm goes off and causes me to fly off the couch.
It was a hell of a day. I dont doudt my lack of motivation to walk to another room.
I hear Lola's nails scrap against the furnished wood floor as she runs towards me to give me kisses.
"Morning girl" I say in a groggy voice.
I check my phone screen and groan.
Aw man I woke up early when my shift starts at 11am instead of 8 am.
"Gosh damit" I mutter and sit up on the floor.
I rub my tired eyes.
Well Im up now, so I might as well do something.

Later at 10:30-ish I decide to take my sweet pup on a walk around Toronto.
We walk along side walks for the most part before we can head out of the more busier part of town.
We come across a roof contracting company that belonged to two brothers.
I knew them from in highschools.
Arguing came from the top of a 30 foot building.
I stop and put my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun.
Suddenly they near the edge and fall off together.
I stare in horror as they land in a large dumpster collecter.
"Oh my god!" I say in horror and jump over objects they tossed from the roof.
I struggle to push open the heavy lever and I use my might to push the huge metal doors to a open.
Lola barks next to me.
She can sense the harm and nerves.
I rummage past the roof shingles and debris and check their pulse.
Their legs and arms are bending in weird directions and breathing is barely there.
I bring out my cell phone and dial 9-1-1.

Luckily my neighbor was headed our way. I was able to hand my pup over to her and she took her home.
The paramedics let me ride with the two coloured brothers.
They were in neck braces, back boards and were hooked immediately to an I.V.
We reach the hospital and nurses quickly gown me up.
The brother named Isaac, needed assistance breathing so we had a manual pump in his throat.
I was put into the surgery room to work on Issac.
Dr Reid and another doctor push him in quickly.
They put a cap on Issac so his hair wouldn't fall into the incision.
We hook him up to monitors and I place a surgical blanket over the abdomen so I may focus on the guy's spleen.

"Suction. I need a clean field of vision" I tell, Dr Reid.
She puts in the little sucker but that doesnt stop us from being soaked in blood.
"Right lobe of liver is lacerated, what do you see, Goran?"I say as I tilt my head to get a better look.
"Fractured rib, open book pelvis" Joel replies, looking from the x rays.
"Going to have to pack to get control and then pringle" I spoke and moved my hand around in his guts.
"Pringle?" Reid asks, wondering if she heard right.
"I know. Dont like it but this guy needs all the help he can get" I reply.
"Ladies first" Goran sighs and comes over.
"Screw that. Start packing" I tell and get others to help me.
"B.P.'s falling" I am warned by a male nurse.
"Son of a frriick!" I mutter.
"Will you look at that? Clamp" I demand and push this guy's organs aside to see the liver.
I clamp down on the veins and arteries around it so there would be minimal bleeding when I cut free the organ.
I sigh annoyed and say, "he's just bleeding out everywhere".
His broken rib has skewered his liver and the right lobe has exploded.
I try my best to rid the excess blood so I can see but theres just too much.
I bring the clean part of my hand to wipe an itch on my forehead.
Then immediately go back to suction.
The machine starts going off.
"Hes arresting" Joel tells me.
"Shan" Reid says, nervous for me.
"Let me do this" I state and then Joel says , "starting CPR!".
"Sponges" I order.
"Two units of blood and 1milligram of epi" Dr Goran orders as well.
"Can we get some help here please" Joel continued and starts CPR as I stuff Issac with sponges to soak up the blood.
"No pulse" the male nurse tells us.
"Opening saline" Dr Reid tells everyone.
"O.R. 1 code blue, O.R. 1" the announcing speaker spoke.
"Hes decompensating" I warn and remove the soaked sponges with new.
"Results?Are these fluids getting to him?" I continued, trying to keep up with the gushing.
"Nothing yet. No pulse" I am told.
"Come on Issac" I beg.
"No blood pressure" Goran says outloud.
I try to pinch off the blood flow but it doesnt work well.
"We're losing him! I need more sponges!" I almost shout.
"Joel, are you getting too tired? I can sub in" Dr Reid asks as she cleans up the soiled sponges I tossed to her.
Dr Goran shakes his head almost taking no breath, "No. Im okay! Give me more on epi".
"I cant stop it! Theres too much blood" I say, starting to give ease on my rush to plug the wound.
"Hes bleeding out. Start him on platelets!" Dr Reid insists and Joel continues, "Continuing CPR".
The blood is leaking out and its overwhelming. Theres so much, it feels as if my hands are wet through the surgical gloves I wear.
Dr Goran starts to slow down, not soon after I start to hesitate, knowing this is going no where.
Heavy breathing echoes the room and Dr Reid nods to me.
I look down and and close my eyes shut tight as if I would wake from a nightmare if I opened them.
The blaring of the machine agitates my ears.
"Call it" She told me.
"Time of death...11:42 am" I answer softly after I look to the clock on the wall above the surgery room entrance.
The male nurse writes the time on a paper and everyone starts to clean up the mess and leave.
I lean on the table with my hands out infront of me and my head lowered.
This was my first unsuccessful surgery.
I couldn't save this guy.
A friend...someone I knew...
Reid softly touches my back and then leaves, knowing she should let me get the hint that this is life.
People die.
Dr Goran stays on the opposite side of the table, watching me.
I feel tears dwell in my eyes because of the disappointment I gave myself.
I sniff and rip my gloves off before throwing them on the table with a rubbery snap at contact with the metal.
"Shan-" Joel begins sympathetically but he stops when I give him my back and head to the exit as I toss my mask into the garbage at the door.
I leave him standing there...
I have other things to do now...