Saving My Hope

Chapter 20- Demons Inside

*Nate McCall POV*

"Nathaniel" I hear my name being called.
I turn around from the spot I was checking my next surgery's forms at.
Joel comes up to me and rests an arm on the counter I was at, infront of me.
"Shaneria has another issue" he tells me.
I look at him to continue.
"She's pregnant" he stated.
"A wha-" I splurge.
"I dont know your relationship to her. And I dont if this was planned or not. But Im just telling you because I believe you played a part in this" he comments and then leaves obviously not in the highest of moods.
I set my pen down harder than normal and head towards Shaneria's room in worry.

*Shaneria Blenco POV*

I lay in my hospital bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
I really have no idea what to do anymore.
My life seems so complex right now and I just dont have the mental state to get through it.
My father is dead.
I have an awkward relationship with my mother.
Joel is just too complicated.
My sister and her husband are dead.
Their baby is god knows where.
It seems that there is a ripper out in Toronto, running loose.
My emotions are just flying.
And now on top of it all, when it seems I cant take care of myself; life expects me to take care of another.

I dont want to feel this.
I dont want to live this way.
Frankly, I dont want to live at all.
I dont know what to do.
I feel as if no one is here for me.
Im just a mess.

"Hello?" A sweet accent calls out softly.
Nate.
I watch as he walks in and gives me a small smile.
My face remains expressionless and I turn my head away from him.
"Come on, babe. Dont be so sour" he says with a sigh.
"You have no right to say anything! You have no bloody idea what kind of shit I am going through!" I hiss, remembering too how he earlier sedated me. Which only added fuel to the fire.
He breaths softly and then comes up and sits on the end of my bed.
He places a gentle hand on my leg but I move my leg away from him.
"Ive heard" he states softly.
"Heard what" I ask, still not sounding so nice.
"That you're pregnant, Shaneria" he tells me still in his soft calmed tone.
"And?" I ask, staring at him and wondering why he cared.
"I know it's mine" he says.
I swallow and turn my head to the window.
"I know you know too" he says, still watching me.
Im silent for a few moments before he continued, "You're going through a whole hell of alot. I know that. We all know that. But I want you to know that I will stay with you. This is our baby and I won't leave. Im ready to be a father".
Thats when I look at him.
The problem was; I might just crush his heart.
"I dont even know if I want to go through with this pregnancy" I tell him.
He keeps his focus on me, wanting to hear me out.
"Like you said. Im going through a lot... Nate, my sister and her husband just died. Things have come up...and I dont know how Im going to deal with this, let alone have a baby" I explained.
He looked down and nodded slowly.
"I just really need some time on deciding what I need to do. Its not about what I want anymore. Its need." I elaborate.
He breathes and rises to his feet.
I feel guilt over wanting to terminate the pregnancy, but what good is it if it only causes me more problems.
"Im sorry Nate. Sleeping with you was not the best decision I made. But yet again, I've made bad decisions and in the end...I pay for it. Im sorry you may just pay for this one" I tell him, feeling bad.
"I dont regret that night, Shaneria. I dont regret being with you. We didnt plan this but I dont regret it ethier" he said, hurt evident in his tone and expression.
"I really want this baby...but, it is your body. So it is your call" he says.
I look up to him.
If he was trying to guilt trip me...its working.
"Just know that I love you. And whatever you decide, I will still be with you" with that, he gives my forehead a kiss and then runs the pad of his thumb over my hand.
"I actually have a C-section to assist in.
The baby has a spine defect and needs immediate attention once born... I promise to be back right after" he tells me, staring into my dulled eyes.
"Dont rush" I tell him and let him go preform his scheduled surgery.