I Used To Obsess Over Living, Now I Only Obsess Over You.

3. April

It was April 9th and people were gathered around my gravestone. I didn't know who they were specifically but I got the hint when I saw a girl; who had teary eyes, wearing a black and white t-shirt with my face on it.

In memory of Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III

1979-2006

I had the ability to make teenagers cry. Cry over the fact that I'm not alive anymore.

It was devastating; they brought flowers and were wearing all black, I had a feeling that the only colors they wore were black in the first place though.

"Thank you for everyone who showed up today. We are here to celebrate, not mourn over the life of Pete Wentz. It's very devastating to know that he is not alive anymore but he will forever be in are hearts." The boy was in a black button up and tie, he stood tall as he spoke.

"I don't think he would want us to be this sad or formal for the least so... let's remember that life moves on whether you're paying attention or not so try to continue on with your life even with the hard downfalls."

This little get together was actually very sweet. Telling stories of there experiences that involved Fall out Boy or me. I could consider the people here my family. They were my family. No matter if they went to a concert or not. Or never got a chance to talk to me or take a picture. They wouldn't be here if the didn't care for me. They wouldn't be here if I hadn't did want I've done.

They cared for me and I was too messed up in the head to think about that. It happened too fast.

An hour later the boy and girls left with content looks on their face. When something negative happens in your life you don't aim for happy so quickly, but content. Some of us take longer to get over things than others.

After all of the mourning was through with, I was quite happy to see the familiar face of Mikey Way making his way towards my gravestone.

It took me a while to realize I never knew Mikey until February and he still didn't know who I was. I wanted to greet him like an old friend. With the 'I miss you' and 'how have you been' because I missed saying those things to people. I was oblivious to the fact the Mikey was walking directly to grave.

He sat down at my grave, looking blankly.

"I'm sorry, Dude. I found out about your band a month ago and then I hear about this." Mikey directed his hand to my grave. "This year has been really depressing..."

I didn't want him to be sad over me but his voice soon piped up as he continued to talk.

"And you played bass too! I just learned how to play 'Dance, Dance.'"

And giant grin popped up on my face when he exclaimed that. He knew who I was now so I didn't feel so weird now. I was being more of a fan Mikey Way than Mikey Way was a fan of me/Fall out Boy.

Maybe I could talk to him again. Writing in the snow wasn't a solution now since it wasn't snowing anymore.

"Though I don't agree with their choice of burying that bass with you, I mean it's a really cool bass!"

"That's what I said!" I still spoke aloud even though he couldn't hear me.

"Though, it's probably what you would have wanted right?" He obviously didn't mean to but he looked right at me when he said in. And my mouth went agap to say something, but it didn't matter anyway because he would never hear me.

"Well I have to go because it's my brothers' birthday today. Hope you're doing well in heaven, or... Whatever place you go to."

"You deserve heaven though."

I forgot about my task to get Mikey Way to notice me when I realized it was his brother's birthday. He would have been turning 30 today, even though he looked about 20 when I saw him. Maybe being a ghost takes off a few years. 20 can be the new 30 anyway.

Truthfully, I didn't want Mikey to visit his brother. It had a bad effect of him and it made me upset to see him like that. I obviously didn't want anyone to feel that way. When I see people at this cemetery crying I usually hid back in the ground and ignored it but he was different to any unknown griever I saw here.

I followed Mikey to his brothers' grave once again, he had a silver necklace clenched between his hands, looking down at it time after time until he reached Gerard's grave.

"I only wanted to say happy birthday to you so now I'm going to hang out at the lake here. It's really pretty." I couldn't tell how Mikey was feeling with his face showing no emotion. Even those two times I saw him his face showed no emotion.

"So...Happy birthday, Gerard." He started to dig up a small patch of dirt in the back of Gerard's grave. For a second I thought he was going to dig up Gerard, which would have been very morbid. He would secretly be insane too, but others traits would have should that by now.

He placed the necklace into the ground and covered the hole back up. I know my friends buried my bass with me but that necklace looked like a fortune, but old enough to be a passed down possession.

He did what he told Gerard and preceded to make his was to Rose Hill's lake.

It was absolutely beautiful that night. The sky was a soft pink and orange color that went across the whole sky. Across the vast lake there were tall trees that lined the entire lake. Every night before I crept back into the ground where my tombstone laid I would sit here and watch the sunset. I'd try to forget the feeling of wanted to live again while also wanting to completely vanish at the same time.

Mikey seemed to be one for talking to dead people but he was quite quiet now. He was in a black jacket with faux fur going around the hood which had a tug fit on him. I took a second to notice it and how nice it looked on him. Half of me was just trying to pay attention to something else, the other half wanted to compliment him on it.

Mikey laid down on the grass and signed. If he wasn't careful he could fall into the lake. He was so pretty yet so sad. His eyes were tearing up and at that moment I realized he was going through what I went through; Depression.

The monotone voice when he spoke, the way it seemed like it hurt to laugh, having outbreaks of crying out of angry, sadness, or fright. I think it may be happening. This boy's eyes were sunken with ever lasting shadows under them. Why didn't I notice this before?

He said it when I first saw him, that he and Gerard understood that feeling. That feeling were your body hollows out at random part of the day and all your thoughts are bad. To the point were you think you might go crazy; disregarding anyone and everything around you.

With all my focus I grabbed Mikey's hand between both of mine.

He jerked his hand from the ground and grabbed it with the other. I physically touched his hand. I was going to make this boy go crazy if I kept this up.

I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand again. He pulled his hand away again and started moving back on his hand and feet. He was being stubborn, I mean there was an unknown person just touching him but he didn't mind the unknown heat source the first time we meant so I decided to hug him.

Mikey started to breathing heavy but I wasn't going to let go of him. My head was resting on his shoulder since he was a few inches taller than me.

"Look at me, I'm going crazy." He laughed to himself wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"No you're not..." It was aimed towards Mikey but I was basically saying it to myself.

"Maybe you're the ghost for last month." He mumbled.

He stopped questioning what was happening and laid his head on mine. He fell asleep soon after and I stayed all night to make sure nothing bad happened.