Love Wholeheartedly | JB| a.u | BWWM

Twenty.

I spent my morning just channel surfing while having some coffee. I'd woken up really early from a terrible dream, flashbacks about my stepdad.

I hadn't showered, hadn't had breakfast... all I wanted to do was sleep but I felt scared to. Another thing I wanted to do was ask Justin if he had my plane ticket sorted but I didn't want to talk to him. I'd even switched my phone off after it had been blowing up almost all night.

I laid down on the couch, too lazy to get up and order something to eat. All I could think about was Justin.

I was hurt by the fact that he went behind my back. And he wanted to take me to Detroit? To see the man who'd stripped me of my childhood? Sure, he didn't understand the impact this man had on my life but that, to me, was enough reason to not go snooping.

I'd been so happy... my life finally made sense and, despite how our session with Rose went, I still felt hopeful that I was soon to be a mom. I imagined walking down the aisle to Justin, a smile on his face, and Maya in Pattie's arms... all our friends and family gathered to see Justin and I commit to each other for life...

I frowned.

Everything was gone now. I was back to being broken Dileah. I was back to being alone. I had nothing more to hope for or look forward to.

What would I do now? I'd head back to New York, then what? Would I go back to the hotel and ask for my job back? Would I move in with Ms Jones? I didn't want to go back to being the old miserable me. I wanted to be great! I wanted to get my life together and be somebody. Maybe then I'd still be able to adopt and live my dream of being a mom... a single mom.

I didn't quite like the idea. Being alone to raise a baby? Sure, lots of women did it and were bosses at it, but me? All I wanted was to have a beautiful family: beautiful children-- lots of them-- and a loving husband.

Meeting Justin just showed me that not all men were animals. He was so loving, so caring, so strong... so nosey. As much as I hated him now, I still felt so much love for him but I couldn't go back!

My standards had definitely shifted since being with Justin. If I moved on, what man would be patient with me like he was? What man would be able to handle me with all my baggage? Would he be able to treat me like Justin did?

A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts.

I sat up slowly, quite annoyed that someone was here to see me but thankful that they'd saved me from my thoughts.

I just hoped it wasn't Justin.

I wiped my tears, ran my fingers through my hair just to detangle it as best as I could, then I went to get the door.

Justin was standing there, flowers in his hands.

I frowned.

"I need to talk to you." He said to me.

"I don't want to talk unless it's about my flight." I said.

"Please just let me have a few minutes with you?"

I didn't want to.

"I left messages on your phone but..."

"It's off." I said.

"I figured." Justin tried to smile. "Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

"No."

He nodded his head.

"Uh... I got you some flowers. Tulips," He said. "They were the last ones at the flower shop."

I looked at the beautiful flowers. I didn't want to fall for his sweetness.