Ode to Love & Dance

Letters Unsent: I Wish I Knew

I wish I knew what was has been going on in your life, Kim. I think you're happy though. I want you to be happy. I see you at swing and it's hard to ignore you, but I'm doing my best. I'm not sure what you're thinking, or whether you have thought about me at all. I'm not sure if you want me to approach you, but I decided that you no longer care about me, and that nothing I can could change anything. I see you're still with Jake and I'm glad things are going well. I hope he's taking care of you.

Amanda dumped me--a few days after I told you that she made me happy--a few days after I told you that I felt more of a connection with her than I ever did with you. Apparently, that connection was not enough for her to want to stay with me. You probably don't care that she dumped me. But even if a tiny bit of you do care, I want you to believe that I am still happy, and be able to rest easily, even though I'm not happy.

I feel like maybe there is a God, but for some reason he's doing everything in his power to stop me from being happy. But maybe I'll start listening to him... and maybe he'll tell me what he wants from me, how he wants me to live my life. I'm asking for his guidance now.

I miss you, Kim. There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of you, and I don't think there will be a day when I won't. But I don't think that we can fix our friendship.

I feel alone. You made me happier than I have ever been, and you took it away. But you have also made me feel completely and utterly hopeless. I was willing to give you the world, but I couldn't have you.

I kept telling myself that I'm better off now, and I'll keep telling myself that.