Time Heals Everything...Almost ✓

I cannot abandon him even if he has left me.

"Beta, please stop crying. You need to let him go." I heard my dad say to me. How could I obey him? How could I let my son go? He is my world. How am I supposed to live without him?

Next thing I know, my brother was dragging me away from my son.

"Leave me, bhai, please don't take my son away from me." I pleaded, but no avail.

"We need to take the body now in order to start the rituals." I heard the pandit say to Amit, my husband.

"That is my son, not a body." I screamed.

"Stop it Kavya. Calm down." Karthik said as he took me to my room.

"Do you really expect me to?" I could not stop the tears from flowing.

"I know it is hard. He was my nephew too. We all love him. I am also in pain. But that doesn't mean you have to lose control." He sat beside me and continued, "Look at me Kavya, I know you are strong. We have to get through this. It was not in our hands to save him. We did everything." I could only nod at the things he said. Therefore, I hugged him and cried and my brother sat there consoling his younger sister.

"Bhai, you know, when we lost our mother I thought I wouldn't have to endure that pain again. I never thought my son would leave me before...you know..when..."

"sshhh... It is okay. I understand."

"Karthik, they are asking for you both. Everything is set for the funeral." Gunjan bhabhi said, coming inside. She held me from one side as they helped to get outside. My steps were faltering. Had they not been there, I would have stumbled and fell somewhere.

I held on to my sister in law as my husband performed the rituals.

People who cared, people who pretended to care, all came and left. I sat there motionless, emotionless. Whatever I do, I was not getting my son back. Maybe it was time to embrace the reality.

"Do you want us to stay over?" Dad asked me. He also wanted to leave, else he would not have asked.

"No dad. It is okay. I will be fine."

"No beta you do not look fine to me. I think you should come and stay with us for a while."

I looked at my husband for a reaction. He was not at all paying any attention to the conversation.

"No dad, I think it would be better if it is just the two of us. Also I need to stay close to Rishi; I cannot abandon him even if he has left me."

"I am staying over today." Gunjan said in an authoritative manner. I did not dare oppose.

Karthik and dad left soon after. Gunjan, I think, prepared some dinner. I vaguely remember her calling me to eat. However, I had by then dozed off in my baby's room. He was only two years old. Why did he have to leave me? Why? Why? Why?

By the time I woke up the next day Karthik and dad had already reached. Amit was sitting with them.

"Have some breakfast Kavya. You did not even have dinner."

"No bhabhi, I am not hungry."

"Kavya, how long do you think you are going to stay hungry? We know you are grieving. So are we. You need to take care of yourself." Amit told me. This was the first time I heard him say something after everything that happened.

"Rishi wouldn't want you to be miserable."

The three of them persuaded me to eat a roti and drink some juice.

Gunjan baby-sat me for a week. By then they were convinced that I could manage on my own from there on.

Things started changing so on. Amit was not the same anymore. Rishi's death had affected him more than what was visible to the outside world. He had overgrown stubble; he refused to go to the office. He would not even come out of Rishi's room. Maybe I had to be the strong one for once. I remember the days he used to rush home to spend an extra five minutes with Rishi. Now that guy was gone, along with Rishi.

"Amit, can we please talk?" I told him, I wanted him to be normal so that I could mourn peacefully.

"What is it Kavya?"

"You cannot sit here all day. You need to get out of the house. You need to bring everything back on track. We have to help each other. Locking yourself up in his room is not the solution to anything."

He did not bother responding. Instead, he went to our bedroom, got ready and proceeded to exit the house.

"I did not mean now Amit. Where are you going at this time of the night? Amit..." He had already left.

Later that night I opened the door to a very drunk Amit. He was a social drinker, but he never crossed limits, not until that point.

Things became worse in the next few weeks. He started coming in late, drunk, and started insulting me. I endured the pain without complaining. He considered my inability to stand up for myself as his triumph. I was willing to put up with the verbal abuses but not the physical ones. When he started hitting me, I threatened to leave the house, which made no impact on him. The next day I left him a note, packed my bags, and went to my dad's place.

My dad understood my situation and took me in. He asked me to give him time to heal and that was exactly what I was planning. That was why I left that note.

Dear Amit,

The past few weeks have been painful for both of us, but that does not give you the licence to behave the way you did the past couple of days. I think we need some time away from each other. We might both be able to think clearly and start afresh soon after. I hope you understand why I am doing this. I will be at my dad's place if you need me.

Kavya..

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PIC: Amit Mehra