Time Heals Everything...Almost ✓

No turning back

Kavya

As I sat waiting for my bus to Pune, my thoughts went back to the conversation I had overheard. I knew I was being a coward. I knew I should stay and face the truth. After the journey I have had, since losing Rishi and the support of the people I had in my life, this decision of mine was idiotic. I looked at the ticket it my hand – maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I cleared my head and thought about why I decided to run in the first place. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

I saw my bus approach and at the same time, through the corner of my eye, I noticed the car that had just pulled up at the bus station parking lot. I knew that car and its owner very well. My eyes welled as I saw Gaurav get out of the driver's seat. I was reminded of why I decided to run in the first place. I boarded the bus and hoped he wouldn't notice me or the bus would leave before he had a chance to search for me in this one. As the bus started and I saw Gaurav run in the opposite direction, I felt a pang in my heart. A part of me wanted to run to him, hug him and be with him forever. But I decided against it. This was better for all of us – and I knew if Gaurav could hear me now, he would tell me, I wouldn't know what is best for all of us without discussing it with all the concerned parties. I took a last glance at him before the bus took a turn out of the stand. I saw him run his hand through his hair, something he did without even realising it when he was restless.

As I moved away from Gaurav, I noticed the little girl who sat next to me with her mother. She wouldn't be any older than two years. The way she tried to explain something to her mother, but was unable to do so as she blurted out random words was really cute to watch. That was when the realization hit me that the step I had taken today would lead me to miss these moments with Rishika. I looked out of the window as the bus took me away from the city I had called home, for the entirety of my life. This was the city I was born in, where I grew up, had the highs and lows of my life. Moving away was a big decision, but deep in my heart, I knew I needed this.

As the bus neared my destination, I borrowed a phone from the lady next to me. Her daughter was sound asleep in her lap now. I called the one person I spoke to before running away. I had noted down a few phone numbers before I consciously left my phone behind at home.

Meera picked up the phone after the first couple of rings. I told her I was about to reach and she gave me instructions on how to reach her house. I knew I should be honest with her given that she was the one I called during this mess. I had decided to tell her what happened once I met her. I got down at Hinjewadi as she had asked me to and took an auto to her address.

After the divorce was finalised and the court granted her full custody of Ashna, she had decided to move to Pune where she had got herself a teaching job. Her ex-husband was ordered by court to give a one-time settlement amount to Meera and Rs. 10,000/- per month as child support to Ashna until she turned eighteen. Her brother had helped her settle down before he had to go to Belgium due to official purposes.

It was late by the time I reached the address she gave. Her apartment was in a gated society. She had bought the 3 BHK for herself with the money she had got during the divorce settlement. I still remember how Gaurav fought with the opposition in the high court. He wanted me to represent Meera, but I was afraid I would mess it up again and she would have to suffer because of me. Gaurav had been very supportive of me when he took it away from my hands.

I knocked at the door to her flat instead of ringing the bell, in case Ashna was sleeping. Meera hugged me and promptly welcomed me into her home. She gave me a quick tour and helped set up my luggage in the guest room. I saw Ashna fast asleep on her bed.

"Have you had anything to eat?" She asked with a look of concern as we settled on the sofa in the living room. I wondered if I looked that bad, that it elicited such sympathy for me. I told her truthfully that I wasn't hungry and decided to go freshen up.

As I entered the washroom, I took a look at myself in the mirror. I don't understand how the little girl who sat next to me was not frightened by how I looked. My hair was sticking out from my pulling at it multiple times, bloodshot eyes from all that crying, which had also caused the mascara to spread around my eyes. Probably this look is why the girl's mother gave me her phone, no questions asked. I looked at what I was wearing. It was the green saree that Gaurav got for me. I had dressed up, after all we had planned to give his family the news regarding our engagement. Well...

As I stepped out of the room that would be mine temporarily, I saw Meera settled on the sofa which I had occupied earlier. I settled down next to her and she handed me a cup of coffee – not an ideal beverage at this time of the night. But she knew how much coffee would comfort me.

"I didn't want to say anything earlier when you called. But now, I just want to say this – I am here for you. If you want to talk about it, I'll listen. If you just want me to be at your side silently, I am up for that as well. She said placing a hand gently on my shoulder.

As decided earlier, I told her honestly what had happened. I started with how Gaurav and I started dating, how my family and friends supported me and how his parents were happy when they met me and finally how his sister refused to accept me for her brother. I was glad that Meera just listened to what I had to say and did not try to tell me what I did was right or wrong. Maybe her own experiences was the reason she refrained from commenting.

"You can stay here as long as you want. Ashna and I will be happy to have to have you around." I knew that. But I hadn't planned on staying for long. I just needed to figure out what to do.

Meera and Ashna were already up by the time I woke up. Thankfully it was a Sunday and my dramatic entry had not affected their routine much. Ashna was on the floor doing her homework while Meera was preparing lunch. I hadn't realized that I had slept through breakfast. I joined Meera in the kitchen, and we reminisced about our school days as we worked.

Ashna joined us after completing her work. She was quite interested in learning about what her mom was like when she was about her age. After lunch, Ashna went to her room for her afternoon nap and Meera had a few papers to grade. I decided if I wanted to get out of there, I needed to come up with a plan to do that.

I opened up my laptop and started my research. While talking to Ashna about what we used to do in school, Meera had told me how she thought I would end up with a career in art. That was something I always wanted to do, but my circumstances hadn't let me. Maybe this was the right time for that. I had multiple tabs open on google chrome. One of them was my Facebook page and I saw that there was an unread message from Gaurav. I decided to not open it and instead deactivated all my social media accounts.

I started looking for universities that would let me take up art classes. I knew it wouldn't be easy given the fact that I did not have any background in the subject. I found few colleges across cities which offered evening classes for people like me who wanted to take up the craft during their free time. Some even had advanced courses which came with correspondence programmes in Europe. I applied to a few of them before going to find Meera.

The next few days were uneventful. I had settled on to a routine. In the morning I would help Meera with the household activities while she helped Ashna get ready for school. Meera taught at the same school Ashna studied in, so, after the mother daughter duo left for school, I would work on my portfolio. I had realised that I needed to have something ready to show in case any of the universities I'd applied to reached out to me. Painting as usual helped me take my mind off the ruckus that was my life.

It took me about four weeks to finish twelve different paintings. Out of which I decided, only five were good enough to be out in the public. I decided to keep doing this until I heard back from anyone.

Waiting to hear from the universities meant I had to check my mailbox regularly. I had accumulated about 100 mails from Gaurav in four weeks. There were the occasional mails from the girls as well. Those went unopened along with Gaurav's. I decided I would eventually respond to their mails, when I was ready. I had let Karthik know I was okay – no details on where I was – just that I was okay and that was enough for now. I am sure word will get back to them anyway.