accidental groupchat // 5sos

13

may be triggering

calums pov

"Bye Marely, thanks for lunch." I smiled and waved to my roommate as he left the apartment. Once the door was shut and I heard his footsteps get quieter, I shot up and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door even though no one was home and leaned over the toilet to throw up the lunch he made me.
It was such a small meal but I still felt disgusted with myself. I'm so disgusting. I hate myself and I wish I was skinnier.

Once I finished I sat back on the bath tub. I looked over to my side and picked up one of the magazines by the toilet. The cover page had a man on it with abs and he was so thin. I kept flipping through pages of skinny people, tears were streaming down my cheeks.

Why can't I be like them? Why was I born like this? I want to be skinny.

I frustratedly groaned and started ripping pages out and throwing them around. I stood up and took my shirt off. I stood in front of the mirror. I grimaced at my stomach.

"You're ugly. Pathetic. Gross." I mumbled to myself and opened one of the drawers. I pulled out my bag that I put my bathroom things in, and pulled out the small razor. I looked at it in my hands, trying to think of reasons not to do it. There really weren't any. I lifted the blade to my wrist and closed my eyes tightly. I let the blade rest on my wrist and right as I went to push down, my phone vibrated. I opened my eyes to see it was a message from Michael.

That's when I realized it. Seeing his picture show up on my phone.

Michael is my reason.
-

michael: hey cal :)

calum: hi michael

calum: I'm so glad you texted

michael: we text everyday tho

calum: but today I was going to do something I knew I'd regret

calum: but you texted me and I realized I couldn't do it because of you

michael: oh no cal baby

michael: please don't ever do anything harmful to yourself because you're so beautiful and you don't deserve it

michael: I wish I was there to hold you but I can't be and I'm sorry for that

calum: It's fine, but thank you mikey

michael: you're welcome baby

***

i hope no one is offended by what calum thinks of himself because no one should ever feel like that and if you do feel free to message me or something