Beating Death

Chapter Eight

"Zaida?" a voice came from behind me, and I wasn't sure who was there. It was lunch time and I sat alone as usual. Most of the time I ate my lunch in a practice room, but today the director was off at some convention, and there was a substitute who did not enjoy watching me eat a sandwich in a practice room. Although I was almost sure that she was scared to leave me alone, because she was one of those people that assumed all teens had sex and that by leaving me alone I was just gonna have sex in the practice room.

I had some headphones in, and I sat at a table outside the cafeteria, with Tchaikovsky playing into my ears, and some homework spread out in front of me, along with a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

"Yeah?" I turn to see who had called out to me.

"Since when do you have this lunch?" he asked. When you realized who it was I instantly smiled.

"Since now?" I shrugged. "Don't you usually sit with your friends anyway?" I asked with a teasing tone to my voice, but since I wasn’t quite sure, it was sort of a question as well.

He shrugged. "Oh who needs them?" he chuckled and sat down next to me.  "You look nice today," he said as he put an arm around me. I knew I was blushing. I felt my cheeks as they grew warm. Apparently Jamie noticed this, because he asked if he was embarrassing me, and then followed that question with a kiss before I could answer.

The truth was that his public display of affection was weird for me, I'd never had a boyfriend do that with me, and I'd had very few boyfriends in the past.

He grinned at me, "can I tell you a secret?" he whispered into my ear.

"Sure," I said, I assumed I looked flustered at the current moment.

"I've never had a girlfriend as sweet as you," he paused as if it needed an explanation but he couldn't find the right words, “I mean… most of my past girlfriends have just been like hey you look hot today lets have sex, ok I’m gonna go now, here’s my math homework, I’ll text you later.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his description. “So you’re not a virgin?” I asked. I should have already known that, since we had been dating for a while now. Although it had never occurred to me to ask him that question, since it hadn’t come up in conversation.

“Are you?” he asked, without giving me an answer.

Neither of us spoke for a second, as he waited for my answer.

“No,” I said with a sigh.

“You’re joking right?” he seemed shocked by the information I had just told him.

“No, during my eighth grade and freshmen year I felt so alone, because everyone had a boyfriend, and everyone was part of such a cute couple, and…” I was honestly ashamed; I didn’t like to tell people this fact about me because most of the time people didn’t really care, and the other small percent of the time it shocked people. I was a little girl, sweet as could be, I never made mistakes or said anything wrong. I played my violin all day and never talked to people it wasn’t necessary to talk to. 

“Everyone was always together, and I couldn’t get a guy, I really thought there was something wrong with me, because I couldn’t talk to guys, and when I did all the wrong words came out, or I tripped up and fell on my face. I just wanted the affection other people were getting I guess, maybe it was because all the other girls were prettier than me, and more social, and then Elliot went through all this drama, and I just needed someone to be there for me, since I was always there for him.